Georgia Family Law Blog

Download free Collaborative Divorce Knowledge Kit

The International Academy of Collaborative Professionals wants you to discover the collaborative process and whether collaborative divorce is right for you. To that end and for a limited time, the IACP has created a kit that answers many of the common questions about collaborative divorce and has the kit available for download.

For a limited time, the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals (IACP) is offering a free, downloadable "Collaborative Divorce Knowledge Kit". The kit is designed for individuals unsure of the Collaborative divorce model. It explains the non-court Collaborative process and includes a "Litigation Divorce vs. Collaborative Divorce" chart that directly compares the two models and recent case studies.

In the Oscar-award winning movie "Juno," the husband (played by Jason Bateman) said, "We can get a Collaborative divorce. I hear it's all the rage." He's right. There are twenty times more collaborative professionals now than just ten years ago. And this explosion is changing how people get divorced from Canada to the Far East.

One reason is people appreciate how Collaborative divorce keeps the process out of the courtroom and lets the people involved maintain control of the entire process. The result: a mutually beneficial outcome for all parties - especially the children.

Another benefit: considerably less emotional stress during and after the divorce.

But is a Collaborative divorce a viable alternative to a litigated divorce? The answer is available in a downloadable, free kit called the "Collaborative Divorce Knowledge Kit." This kit was created by the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals (IACP). IACP is an international non-profit organization dedicated to educating the public and professionals about Collaborative Practice.

The free "Collaborative Divorce Knowledge Kit" explains how the collaborative model works and what to expect from the process. It includes case studies of families who chose collaboration and their outcomes. Plus it contains a convenient chart directly comparing collaboration to litigation.

This comprehensive kit is available free for a limited time through the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals (IACP) website at: www.collaborativepractice.com/kit.

For more about the Collaborative divorce process, please refer to the attached article "Collaborative Divorce - Redefining Families Instead of Breaking them Apart".

Discover if the collaborative model is right for you. Download your free Collaborative Divorce Knowledge Kit. This kit answers many of the common questions about Collaborative Practice. You'll also learn about real families -- families like yours -- who used the Collaborative model. And see how it benefited them. To find out more, download your kit right now.

SOURCES FOR POST: Domestic Diversions and International Academy of Collaborative Professionals and EMediaWire

Many couples embracing collaborative divorce

Collaborative divorce. The term sounds like an oxymoron in a culture steeped in high-cost, high-conflict breakups.

Yet many couples are embracing the approach, recently endorsed by the American Bar Association, as part of a broader quest to find more civilized, efficient ways to end a marriage. Do-it-yourself divorces and mediation also are popular options.

Lawyers by the thousands want to be part of the trend.

"Most of us had that moment where we realize the adversarial process is so damaging for our clients — and there's a recognition that we can do better," said Talia Katz, a former divorce lawyer who is executive director of the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals.

Katz said the academy, just eight years old, now has 3,000 members, mostly lawyers but also financial planners and other professionals. She estimates that 20,000 attorneys have received training in collaborative law, and groups promoting the practice are active nationwide.

In contrast to mediation, in which divorcing couples entrust a resolution to a single neutral mediator, collaborative divorce involves the use of attorneys for each party, often joined by other expert consultants. But the lawyers, instead of sparring, pledge from the outset to work together in crafting an outcome that is fair to all.

"Most clients in a dispute are looking for an honorable peace, not war," Boston lawyer David Hoffman wrote in recent op-ed for The Christian Science Monitor. "Collaborative lawyers can be just as zealous about seeking such a peace as litigators are about victory in the courtroom."

Hoffman works at the Boston Law Collaborative, where the staff includes a psychologist and a financial planner. It offers divorcing couples a range of options, including mediation and collaborative divorce as well as conventional litigation.

The firm analyzed 199 of its recent divorce cases, and found that mediation, collaborative divorce and litigation all produced high rates of successful settlement. Mediation was by far the least expensive option, with a median cost of $6,600, compared to $19,723 for a collaborative divorce, $26,830 for settlements negotiated by rival lawyers, and $77,746 for full-scale litigation.

What You Can Learn from a Divorce Coach

In a collaborative divorce, each spouse usually hires their own divorce coach to help them learn to communicate and negotiate more effectively. These coaches are an integral part of the collaborative divorce team. They teach life skills that will form the basis for your post-divorce relationship with your spouse. If you have children, the skills learned from your divorce coach can make co-parenting go more smoothly after the divorce.

Your divorce coach will provide you will skilled help in:

• Managing your emotions appropriately.
• Separating your thoughts from your feelings.
• Thinking through emotionally charged issues.
• Learning to talk about difficult problems in a businesslike manner.
• Setting short and long-term goals for yourself, your children and your co-parenting relationship.

Conflict management, creative problem-solving, negotiation and productive communication are among the valuable life skills you can learn with the help of your divorce coach. Your coach can help you identify bad habits and problem areas in your relationship with your spouse and learn to communicate more productively. Divorce coaches help you and your spouse focus more clearly on your individual goals and the positive changes that can come about as a result of your divorce.

SOURCE: Divorce Without Dishonor

Collaborative Divorce Case Study Summaries

The following Collaborative Divorce Case Study Summaries are found at the website of the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals (IACP), the standard-bearer for the Collaborative movement with more than 3,000 members in 13 countries:

1. A music executive and his financially dependent wife decide to get divorced. They have a 5-year old daughter. CP helps couple navigate the complicated financial arrangement as well as the tricky issue of the daughter’s contact with the wife’s new boyfriend and the wife’s pregnancy with the new boyfriend. (P. Tesler/LA, CA)

2. It was husband’s second marriage, first wife had taken off and was out of the picture. His current wife, the stepmother of his children, was the only effective mother his two kids had ever known, and due to fertility issues they were the only kids that she would ever have. Ordinarily she would have had no parental rights, but CP ensured that she stayed in the kids’ lives. (P. Tessler/SF, CA)

3. A husband and wife, both ministers and with 4 kids, were living happily with the husband’s partner as a part of the family and under one roof. The partner wanted to come out, ultimately leading to a divorce a trauma for the family. CP restored the friendship that had been in danger of being lost and allowed the family to reach an acceptable solution. (P. Thompson/Orinda, CA)

4. Two parents had a special needs child that was the subject of their financial conflict. CP not only enabled them to refocus their discussion and come to an agreement, but to continue to work together after the divorce to make sure that both their children receive the care and support that they need.  Vicki Carpel Miller/Phoenix, AZ )

5. After a rough legal battle, Mary and Stan decided to modify their originally litigated divorce settlement. CP allowed them to do this so amicably that Stan even offered to help Mary out of a financial rough spot after the divorce was over. (D. Schwartz/Oxnard, CA )

6. 5 kids from age 5-16. Co-owned auto mechanic business in MD. Mom had no intention of recognizing dad’s participation and contribution to lives of children. He was raised Catholic. Dad initiated process, was first to buy into process. Wife had never been a disciplinarian. Father wanted kids to get a job at McDonald’s. Very different family philosophies. Finally settled on a complete 50/50 split of children. 2 businesses. She ended up meeting an attorney whom she is marrying. (D. Shoop/MD)

7. New England stay-at-home-mom (very photogenic) was married to a wealthy physician for 30 yrs. After adult daughter went to collage, wife decided on divorce so she could “breathe,” but wanted her daughter to feel as if mother was in no way taking advantage of father in divorce process. Wife wanted divorce, husband was destroyed and adamant that case be over immediately. She wanted to honor husband, including all he had done to build the estate, and conduct process is least painful manner possible. Wife was also determined to have no regrets, either about the decision or the process of separation. The wife was liberated on a spiritual level by Collaborative Practice by maintaining peace and integrity even throughout the separation, doing it in the most honorable way possible. (Gay Cox/Dallas, TX )

8. An Atlanta couple of 16 years entered into a ‘new’ relationship with the help of Collaborative Practice. Having a team of lawyers, a child psychologist and a financial planner allowed the family to talk through a fair financial arrangement and to meet the needs of the children. Collaborative Practice helped the couple keep their perspective of what is important. The entire process only took six months and both parents still meet once a week to give each other updates on what has happened the previous week in the children’s lives. (Tricarico/Atlanta, GA)

9. A divorced couple who had once been childhood sweethearts could not keep communication civil and tensions increased as custodial issues regarding their five-year-old son arose. The breaking point for the couple led them to Collaborative Practice where they learned how to communicate with each other to enable the healthy development of their son. The collaborative process also solved the custodial issues by giving each parent 50/50 custody and arranging a financial plan where both parents contribute to costs relating to their son and both are able to monitor the spending of the money. (Sellers)

10. The entrepreneurial nature of the father’s work put a lot of drama and stress into the couple’s 28-year relationship. With the children off to college, the wife decided to initiate divorce proceedings. They chose Collaborative Practice, which helped sort out their confusion and questions regarding the separation after so many years of marriage. Both individuals left this experience affirming the time they were married, respecting each other and understanding their divergent paths. (Brantley)

11. Collaborative Practice saved the Madans’ marriage. The wife initiated the proceedings after years of frustration of feeling like the odd person out in the family. The team helped establish a less-hostile environment to proceed with the divorce and facilitated communication between the couple that in the end caused them to stay together and work out their problems through counseling. (Madans)

SOURCE:  International Academy of Collaborative Professionals

Collaborative Law in Georgia: Child Specialists, Coaches and the Development of the Parenting Plan

I am very pleased to present the following article, written by my colleagues in the Collaborative Law Institute of Georgia,  Howard Drutman, Ph.D. & Marsha Schechtman, LCSW of Atlanta North Psychotherapy Center, who have graciously permitted me to reprint their article here:

Around the country and indeed the world the Collaborative Divorce process embraces many different  approaches.  In some areas of the country an attorney alone comprises the “team.”  In many others, the prevailing model calls for a full team: two attorneys, two coaches, one financial neutral and one child specialist.  In most of Georgia the goal is to utilize such a “full team.”  But one  area of creative difference between and among Georgia collaborative professionals has to do with the respective roles of the child specialist and the coaches in the preparation of the parenting plan.

The model that the authors subscribe to assigns unique roles to the child specialist and the coaches.  Specifically, the child specialist evaluates the children’s functioning and needs in the context of the pending divorce.  In addition, the child specialist assists the children in developing coping strategies as well as making sure their voices are heard where decisions affecting them are made.  Once the child specialist has completed the initial evaluations, and often after a follow-up or two, he or she meets with the parents and the coaches to discuss the findings and to articulate the child’s special needs, desires, emotional status, etc.  This allows the parents to hear what the children need and want  while simultaneously allowing the coaches to hear the same information. This process fosters a much fuller understanding of that information.  It is then for the coaches to reinforce what the child specialist has said since they have heard exactly the same information as the clients. 

In this model the coaches work with the clients to develop the parenting plan taking into consideration the feedback from the child specialist.  We think it is essential that the coaches develop the parenting plan, since they have a detailed understanding of the family system and the minutia of the clients’ lives. Having the child specialist craft the parenting plan might appear appropriate from the children’s points of view but may not be capable of implementation unless it also works with the parents’ work and travel schedules, availability for transportation, etc.  The coaches, on the other hand are perfectly situated to incorporate the feedback from the child specialist, together with all of the other information they have about the lifestyles of the two parents.  It is the coaches’ responsibility to find the proper fit between the best interests of the children and those of the parents.

This model also allows the child specialist to continue working with the children on their adjustment to the divorce without getting caught up in the parents’ struggles.  The child specialist stays focused on the special needs of those members of the divorcing family who might otherwise not be able to make themselves heard. 

The coaches can maintain their focus on the details of the parenting plan and work with each of the parents on the issues, conflicts and struggles that often emerge when couples talk about final decision making, conflict resolution, schedules, and areas of parental responsibility, etc.  Working directly with the parents, coaches are in the best position to exert positive influences on them to come up with a detailed, well-crafted parenting plan – now legally required under this year’s HB 369 as of January 1, 2008– that will be realistic and work in the real world.

After all, the wording of a parenting plan may look great, but if it can’t be implemented over the long haul it isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on.

SOURCE: Howard Drutman, Ph.D. & Marsha Schechtman, LCSW of Atlanta North Psychotherapy Center

Divorce Wars Hazardous to Financial Health

In its February 2008 issue, Consumer Reports lists and discusses "12 Money Blunders That Could Cost You $1 Million." Coming in at number 3 is: "Launching a divorce war":

3. Launching a divorce war (CR estimated cost: $49,000 to $188,000)

Divorce may be unavoidable sometimes, but spouses can take steps to reduce the
financial impact. Hiring lawyers can ensure everyone's interests are
represented, but the more issues spouses want to slug out, the more billable
hours attorneys can charge. CR's report found that a low-conflict divorce can
generally be mediated for about 75 percent less than using attorneys and going
to trial.

-- CR's Advice:  Because the intensity of the conflict is a major driver of
legal costs, work more toward diplomacy than war, which will increase the
viability of the low-cost mediation option. Try hardest to get along on
custody, often a hot-button issue. Property settlement is a Solomon-like 50-50
split in most states.

SOURCE FOR POST: Reuters.com

Kinder, Gentler Collaborative Divorce Also Costs Less

A kinder, gentler method of getting divorced has won fans among both clients and counsel. But it has yet to win over some traditionalists, who wonder, for instance, why collaborative divorce must include a promise not to litigate. (Those who violate the ban on courtroom battle have to start over again with new counsel.)

“I have no issue … with two lawyers sitting down with two clients to work out a deal, but why it’s necessary to wrap all these conditions around it is beyond me,” David S. Goldberg, a Gaithersburg, Md., family law mediator tells the Daily Record, a Maryland legal and business publication.

Nonetheless, an increasing number of soon-to-be-former spouses and their lawyers are embracing collaborative divorce, as well as do-it-yourself divorce and mediation, in an effort to eliminate unnecessary animosity, reports the Associated Press.

"Most clients in a dispute are looking for an honorable peace, not war," writes David Hoffman, a Boston lawyer, in a Christian Science Monitor op-ed piece about collaborative law practice. "Collaborative lawyers can be just as zealous about seeking such a peace as litigators are about victory in the courtroom."

A recent American Bar Association ethics opinion (PDF) provides important support for collaborative divorce, by finding collaborative law agreements consistent with lawyers' obligations to serve their client's best interest, notes Hoffman, who chairs the Collaborative Law Committee of the ABA Section of Dispute Resolution. (What Hoffman describes as a "maverick" Colorado Bar Association ethics opinion earlier this year reaches a different conclusion than the ABA and several other state bar associations, however.)

Cost may also be a motivating factor in the quest for a peaceful resolution of a problem marriage: The Boston Law Collaborative, where Hoffman works, recently analyzed 199 of its divorce cases. It found that mediation had a median cost of $6,600, followed by $19,723 for collaborative divorce, $26,830 for a divorce settlement negotiated by counsel, and $77,746 for a litigated divorce.

SOURCE: American Bar Association Journal Weekly by Martha Neil 

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Collaborative Divorce Law

Collaborative law is a way of practicing law in which the attorneys for both of the parties in a family dispute agree to assist them in resolving conflict or legal issues using cooperative strategies, instead of adversarial techniques and litigation. To be "adverse" means to oppose, while "advocating" means speaking up for.

Early, nonadversarial, participation by attorneys allows the parties and attorneys to use the more positive aspects of good lawyering not often seen in adversarial proceedings, such as:

• Rational analysis
• Creative problem solving
• Generating multiple options
• Maintaining a positive context for settlement and
• Building a foundation for long-term coparenting

Advantages of Collaborative Law

Collaborative divorce law is:

Generally less costly than litigation

More client-friendly, in that you're a vital part of the settlement team of both parties and both attorneys

Cooperative in resolving issues

Less stressful, as it generates much less fear and anxiety than court proceedings

Less time-consuming, as you can reach agreement and the legal proceeding can be finalized within a short time.

Collaborative law allows you control the proceedings, instead of a judge.

Who is a Good Candidate for Collaborative Law?

As you may know, Collaborative Law is a process for resolving legal disputes without going to court, except to have an agreement approved by a court. Parties engage in a series of relatively short meetings where they identify their goals, assess the facts of the case, brainstorm to generate options to solve problems, evaluate the suitability of the various options and then create or select the best means to achieve the goals for each of the parties. Neutral experts are often brought in in [Georgia] Collaborative Law cases, as needed, for specific functions. If the process breaks down, the parties must retain different attorneys to go to court with them.

Collaborative Law is a voluntary choice at the outset and the parties can opt out at any time, but it works about 93-95% of the time because, for most cases, it can result in more creative, customized and peaceful solutions than traditional litigation. While it may seem counterintuitive, many people are able to be open, honest and cooperative even in difficult cases that involve issues such as custody, extra-marital relationships, unique possession schedules and substantial and complex property issues.

Rise of collaborative divorce is not for everyone

In my practice as a Marietta and Atlanta area divorce and family law attorney, I am a big proponent of collaborative divorce law as a superior means to traditional litigation to resolve most family law disputes. However, it is not for every case or every couple in such a dispute. An article in the Washington Times, which appears below, makes that very point.

SOURCE: Washington Times

Collaborative divorce trades negotiation for confrontation

Lisa Kimmell knew what she wanted from her divorce, starting with a written guarantee that her ex-husband would help pay for their sons' college expenses, and working through a number of other items.

The 46-year-old Mariettan also knew what she did not want — expensive, time-consuming warfare.

"I could have gone through all that, and it could have been very ugly," she said. "But I decided to try what I hoped would be an easier route."

That route turned out to be collaborative divorce, an alternative that substitutes negotiation for confrontation. It is becoming more popular, in part because more people have discovered it and in part because more professionals are practicing it.

In too many traditional divorce proceedings, each party gets lawyered up and prepares to make war, not love. An attorney becomes a weapon of choice, and the process itself becomes a fight.

Now a growing number of lawyers and other professionals are trying a more constructive path. About 80 lawyers now are members of the Collaborative Law Institute of Georgia, along with 20 financial consultants, nine mediators, and 32 divorce coaches and child specialists.

Collaborative Law Info

• What is Collaborative Law?
  Collaborative Law is a name given to an attitude toward resolving legal disputes and the policies and practices that put that attitude into action. You won't find collaborative law in the statutes or administrative regulations but you will find it in the professionalism and integrity of those who practice law.
• What areas of the Law are prime for Collaborative Law?
  While many areas of the law are good candidates for Collaborative Law, it is most commonly, at this time, used in Family Law cases.
• What Types of Family Law disputes can be resolved with Collaborative Law?
• Collaborative law can be used for any dispute. It has been used the most often in the family law arena to resolve disputes related to:

Divorce, Legal Separation or Annulment
Child Custody/Parenting Plans
Visitation and Visitation Disputes
Spousal Maintenance/Alimony
Child Support, Daycare Costs and College Tuition
Valuing Assets
Division of Property
Division of Debt
Tax Issues
Paternity Issues
Break-up of Same Sex Partnerships
Guardianships
Adoption

• What is the Collaborative Law attitude?
  The basic attitude marking collaborative law is of solving the problem, not fighting the fight. Simply stated, it is treating the process as a way to "trouble shoot and problem solve" rather than to fight and win. Some people look upon the civil justice system as a place to resolve a dispute they have with another. Collaborative law is what they're looking for.

Measuring the True Cost of Divorce

I have posted a number of articles on Collaborative Divorce Law. The following, about the intangible values in resolving a divorce case in a more respectful manner, is from an article by Bruce Derman, Ph.D., of The Coalition for Collaborative Divorce, from its site, NoCourtDivorce.com:

There are many things that go into the price of a divorce besides money and property. See if any of the following are costly for you by filling in the value of each item. At the end total the amounts and you will begin to see the true cost of your divorce.

What is it worth to truly celebrate your child's wedding together?	$_______
What is it worth to be able to co-parent your children?	$_______
What is it worth for your child to not end up in therapy as a result of your divorce?	$_______
What is it worth for your children not to be emotionally scarred from your divorce?	$_______
What is it worth to have your ex support your visions for your children?	$_______
What is it worth to be able to look in your adult son or daughters eyes knowing you ended their most important relationship with dignity and integrity?	$_______
What is it worth to be able to have your children grow up in a safe, respectful, non-abusive atmosphere?	$_______
What is it worth for your child to not have to take care of your emotionally following your divorce?	$_______
What is it worth to not drag your ex into your next relationship?	$_______
What is it worth to resolve your long-term concerns for your family?	$_______
What is it worth to not live under the threat of going back to court constantly?	$_______
What is it worth to support your highest self and not your lowest?	$_______
What is it worth to not have to continually obsess on the unsatisfactory experiences that occurred in your divorce?	$_______
What is it worth to feel that the decisions involved tin ending your marriage were not yours?	$_______
What is it worth to live your life from love, not hate?	$_______
TOTAL COST OF DIVORCE	$_______

Collaborative Law Approach in Family Law Cases

Collaborative law is a new way to resolve disputes by removing the disputed matter from the litigious court room setting and treating the process as a way to "troubleshoot and problem solve" rather than to fight and win.

As part of the collaborative law method, both parties retain separate attorneys whose job it is to help them settle the dispute. No one may go to court. If that should occur, the collaborative law process terminates and both attorneys are disqualified from any further involvement in the case.

Each party in the Collaborative law process signs a contractual agreement which include the following terms:

• Disclosure of Documents.  Each party agrees to honestly and openly disclose all documents and information relating to the issues. Neither spouse may take advantage of a miscalculation or an inadvertent mistake. Instead, such errors are identified and corrected.
• Respect.  Each party agrees to act respectfully and avoid disparaging or vilifying any of the participants.
• Insulating Children.  As part of the process all participants agree to insulate the children from the proceeding and to act ins such a way as to minimize the impact of the divorce on them.
• Sharing Experts.  The parties agree to implement outside experts where necessary in a cooperative fashion and share the costs related to those experts. (eg. real estate appraisers, business appraisers, parenting consultants, vocational evaluators, or accountants)
• "Win-Win" Solutions.  The primary goal of the process is to work toward an amicable solution and to create a "win-win" situation for all.
• No Court. Neither party may seek or threaten court action to resolve disputes. If the parties decide to go to court, the attorneys must withdraw and the process begins anew in the court system.

Collaborative law can make divorces cheaper, civilized

Good marriages you've seen. How about a good divorce?

Some lawyers say there's a way to a better matrimonial finale called "collaborative law." It was devised by Stu Webb, a Buddhist Minneapolis-based lawyer who wanted a different path.

The biggest difference? If the lawyers can't get the unhappy couple to negotiate an agreement, the lawyers quit. New attorneys handle the court battle.

This is designed to create incentive for the clients to keep trying, for the lawyers to cooperate rather than be adversarial and for everyone to take a deep breath.

Lawyers who have practiced in a variety of courts know the most wrenching and unpleasant of practices can be family law. Losing freedom in criminal court and money in civil cases pales when the heart is torn asunder and people are their most wildly unhappy and obsessed. The divorce court process pretty much exacerbates every misery.

"It came out of desperation. The negativity can get to you. Every step of the litigation model is designed to create polarization," said Webb, whose divorcenet.com page shows a serene lake where his advertising brethren feature a picture of themselves looking serious and trustworthy.

He'd seen enough pain handling divorces that he was ready to leave the law when he instead created the collaborative concept in 1990. It has gradually gained steam internationally.

Tips for Parents Engaged in the Collaborative Family Law Process

by Gay G. Cox, Attorney-Mediator

You are to be commended for choosing the collaborative law process as the means to solve the problems you and your child(ren)'s other parent are having. It is evident that you want the best possible outcome for your children and see this as a means of achieving it. Based on experience with families who select this method of problem-solving, it is apparent that they tend to have some very important common values. They are parents who desire to:

1. Help the children adjust to the inevitable changes that occur when parents have differences that result in their living apart. (Making Healthy Transitions)

2. Reduce parental conflict and provide the children a conflict-free safe environment, thereby minimizing the emotionally destructive effects high conflict is known to have on children. (Minimizing Conflict)

3. Ensure that the children feel loved by the significant adults in their lives, most importantly, by their parents. (Showing Love)

4. Assure the children that it is never a child's fault that the parents are having difficulty resolving issues that affect the child. (Avoiding Blame)

5. Encourage a positive and healthy parent-child relationship between the children and their other parent. (Fostering Good Relationships)

6. Continue to help the children "feel they are heard," by actively listening to their opinions and preferences, while at the same time not burdening the children with parental decision-making. (Hearing the Voice of the Child)

7. Allow the children to have as normal a life as possible while the matter is being resolved. (Providing a Stable Environment)

8. Spare the children from being burdened with parental responsibilities and roles during a time when the parents realize they are not functioning at their best. (Letting the Children Be Children)

9. Recognize if a child is overly stressed by the changes in his or her life and utilize appropriate resources to help the child cope. (Seeking Professional Help)

10. Preserve financial resources that need to be dedicated to the children's needs, including the future education of the children. (Saving Money)

11. Model healthy communication and problem-solving skills. (Being Positive Role Models)

12. Choose from all the options for parenting time and allocation of parental responsibilities those that have the greatest likelihood of the best possible result for the sake of the children, taking into consideration the unique needs of their family. (Achieving the Best Possible Outcome)

Collaborative Family Law Promotes Divorce with Dignity

Groups of family law attorneys in several [Georgia] locations are using a “collaborative” process to resolve divorce issues, a “middle-ground” between the traditional adversarial divorce process and divorce mediation. The collaborative approach assumes that divorce is a problem to be solved rather than a battle to be won.

Q.: What, exactly, is collaborative family law, and how does it work?
A.: Developed originally by attorney Stuart Webb of Minneapolis, Minnesota and his colleagues, collaborative family law is a process through which the parties to a divorce and their individual attorneys commit themselves to resolving all issues of the divorce by negotiated agreement, without resorting to or threatening to resort to court proceedings.

Collaborative law requires both spouses and both attorneys to sign a collaborative law participation agreement. All parties - spouses and lawyers - agree to take a reasoned approach on all issues. Where positions differ, all participants agree to use their best efforts to create proposals that meet the fundamental needs of both parties and, if necessary, to compromise to reach a settlement of all issues. After this agreement is signed, each spouse meets first with his or her lawyer, and then both spouses and their attorneys attend the first collaborative meeting.

Almost all of the business is done in four-way meetings, with both attorneys and both parties present. Nothing happens in secret. The parties involved are free to talk directly across the table to their own lawyers as well as to the other spouse, and to the spouse’s lawyer. Parties are not allowed to threaten litigation or to play games or take advantage.

The attorneys agree ahead of time that, if they cannot help the parties settle the case out of court, they will NOT file a contested divorce with the court. Rather, the attorneys agree in advance that, if they cannot get they case resolved out of court, they will withdraw from the case. Thus, the collaborative law attorneys have a financial incentive to help resolve problems; if they can’t, they are out of a job.

Q.: What are the benefits and limitations of the collaborative process?
A.: A collaborative process is designed to be less time-consuming, less expensive and less confrontational than a traditional adversarial divorce. By reducing stress, it allows parties to focus on the problems to be resolved. The parties to a collaborative process are joined by their own lawyers, who represent their respective interests and can prepare all necessary paperwork. However, the parties have more control over the outcome of a collaborative settlement than of a traditional divorce and settlements are designed to meet each party’s needs. Further, the collaborative process is more private than a contested divorce, which generates court filings, transcripts and hearings in open court.

In situations where the parties cannot agree to try work out their differences together, or do not value a negotiated solution that meets the legitimate needs of both parties, the collaborative process is not likely to be effective.

Q.: How do collaboration and mediation compare?
A.: In divorce mediation, the parties meet with one neutral mediator who does not provide legal advice to either party, but rather helps the parties to reconcile their differences and settle or compromise difficulties. The mediator is only authorized to work with parties to arrive at an agreement, but is not authorized to make a decision or a determination on behalf of the parties. Like collaboration, mediation is workable only when the parties enter the mediation process with the intention of being reasonable and fair in all matters. Mediation does not always result in total agreement. Frequently, agreement on certain issues may be reached through mediation, but other issues may be referred to a court proceeding or a binding arbitration. Mediators generally do not prepare court paperwork, and they do not appear in court with clients. Parties using mediation to resolve conflicts generally consult with their lawyers outside the mediation process.

In the collaborative process, each party comes to the table with his or her own lawyer rather than to a neutral mediator, and each party is fully and individually represented by legal counsel throughout the process. It may helpful for parties who are not skilled in negotiating or in understanding financial or legal nuances to know that their attorneys are protecting their interests during the collaboration. Collaborative attorneys can prepare all necessary paperwork for their clients, and attend the required court hearing where the divorce agreement is presented to the court for approval. Handling a domestic relations case through collaborative law is roughly comparable in cost to handling it through mediation. A case resolved through collaborative law is almost certainly far less costly than a fully litigated divorce trial, both in terms of money and emotional expense.

SOURCE: Ohio State Bar Association

Collaborative Family Law: Overview

Collaborative Law: The Concept

An emerging trend in the field of alternative dispute resolution, the collaborative law concept is a structured and cooperative out-of-court approach to problem-solving that allows those in a legal dispute to work together with their attorneys toward a solution in a positive, results-focused setting. In the realm of family law, by committing to the collaborative law process, spouses and parents can finalize a divorce and resolve any related support and property disputes without stepping into a courtroom or filing a lawsuit.

Background and Development

The collaborative law process was founded in the early 1990's by Minnesota family law attorneys who were looking for a more civil, straightforward and fairer approach to divorce cases. Today, a large number of national, regional, and state collaborative law groups exist, in addition to the recently formed International Academy of Collaborative Professionals (http://www.collaborativepractice.com). Most of these organizations focus on the application of collaborative law principles to family law (typically divorce and related disputes). However, recent trends show an increase in the use of the collaborative process to resolve disputes that arise in employment and business relationships.

The Collaborative Law Process

In the family law setting, the hallmark of the collaborative law process is the participants' commitment to resolving a divorce and all related support, custody, and property disputes in a constructive and reasoned atmosphere. This commitment is made in a written agreement entered into between the spouses, in which they promise to use good faith and fairness in negotiating a resolution, and to disclose all information and documents relevant to the issues at hand. The spouses' attorneys demonstrate their commitment to the process by adhering to a fundamental collaborative law principle requiring that if either party terminates the collaborative process in favor of traditional litigation, then the collaborative law attorneys must withdraw from the case. In other words, once the collaborative process begins, if one or both of the spouses decide to pursue litigation, different attorneys must be hired to represent the spouses during litigation.

A Good Settlement

I came across an instructive and inspirational quote today, thanks to fellow blogger Grant Griffiths at the Kansas Family & Divorce Lawyer Blog. His post appears below:

A fellow family law blogging friend of mine, James Gross of the Maryland Divorce Legal Crier has a great post today. One that is one sentence long and contains some great content. Here it is:

"A good settlement is where each side gives up 60%."

James is exactly right. But even more important, the parties in a divorce case should strive for some form of settlement. I have yet to see any client of mine, even when we win everything we want, happy after a divorce trial. Settle the darn thing. Not only is it easier on the husband and wife. When there are children involved, they almost always come out better from a settlement. A divorce trial does not do either side any good. In fact, I usually see both sides coming out damaged in some way.

This is why I am such a firm believer in mediation and now collaborative law. Both, especially collaborative law, strive to come to some form of an agreement. Best of all, you the parties are deciding your case and not the court.

If you don't or won't come to an agreement, the judge will for you. And chances are, neither side is going to be happy with the order of the court. Work with your lawyer and your ex-spouse and make every possible effort to settle your case. And remember, "a good settlement is where each side gives up 60%."

The Civilized Divorce - Part II

The following article is by North Carolina family law attorney Lee Rosen: (See The Civilized Divorce - Part I):

Nationwide, collaborative divorce is attracting considerable attention as a proactive and humane settlement option, and it’s starting to catch on here in North Carolina, as well. When executed as agreed to by divorcing individuals and their attorneys, studies show that a collaborative settlement is reach faster than older forms of negotiation and greatly reduces the emotional trauma families experience in the throes of a divorce, especially the children. It also significantly lowers the expenses incurred by divorcing couples, protecting families from unnecessary resource depletion at a time when monies are needed to establish two households. In a collaborative divorce, each spouse has the support, protection, and guidance of his or her own lawyer. Often, other professionals, such as child specialists, financial experts and divorce coaches will be brought in to advise matters in their areas of expertise. Collaborative divorce is not a dispute resolution option in the same sense as mediation or arbitration. Rather, collaborative divorce is a set of voluntary ground rules entered into by the professionals hired by you and your spouse. While the details vary, the central idea is that the parties agree not to take the case to trial. You, your spouse and all professionals involved sign a contract to honor the following core elements of collaborative divorce:

When Should You Choose Collaborative Divorce

There are many law firms that limit their family law practice to collaborative divorce. Our firm does not. We offer a full range of services for divorcing people, including collaborative divorce, mediation and litigation advocacy. . . . We are committed to helping each client determine what approach is the most likely one to get them through the divorce process with the best outcome. We consider "best outcome" to include minimizing conflict and acrimony and maintaining post divorce relationships, in addition to financial results, which clients will sometimes make the mistake of concentrating on to the exclusion of other considerations. It is our belief that "collaborative law" optimizes the chances for a "best outcome" but it is not indicated in every case.

What is collaborative divorce?

[E]ssentially in Collaborative Divorce clients choose specially trained collaborative divorce lawyers who are committed to a negotiated settlement. Clients agree in advance not to go to court except for obtaining of the divorce judgment, in an uncontested proceedings. Negotiations are conducted primarily in meetings with clients and attorneys in the room. Full disclosure and transparency is the hallmark of this process. Gamesmanship, threats to "see you in court" and the like are absent from this process. In the event the case does not settle, the collaborative attorneys are required to withdraw from the case and the clients choose new litigation counsel. With this feature the attorneys have no incentive to foster litigation.

Sounds Great right? Why shouldn't everyone choose Collaborative Divirce. The following are reasons NOT to choose collaborative law:

1. Domestic violence or child abuse. Any history of recent domestic violence makes it foolish and perhaps even dangerous to consider a process in which parties are required to sit in the same room.

2. History of Financial misconduct: In a contested divorce financial restraining orders preventing the transfer of assets can be obtained automatically upon commencement of the case. This can prevent marital assets from disappearing. If there is a meaningful concern about this kind of behavior, clients should go to court immediately.

3. Serious mental illness: If one party has major depression, substance abuse, or psychosis, Collaborative Law is unlikely to work, although there is little risk in trying. Often an experienced Collaborative Lawyer is the best resource a person with such a disability can have, although, there may be a need for court intervention if the party's ability to participate in the process is seriously impaired. In that situation a court appointed "Guardian ad Litem" will be appointed to act on behalf of the impaired spouse, and in such situations, Collaborative Divorce may be difficult to pursue.

4. If one party is not committed to the Process. For Collaborative divorce to work, both parties have to be committed to attempting to work in this fashion. If one party refuses to be transparent about disclosing information, or is using the Collaborative Divorce process as a way to delay or avoid dealing with the hard issues, then the only way to move things along so the parties can finally be divorced, is to go to court.

Most litigated cases end up settling eventually, and for that reason even if Collaborative Divorce, as formally practiced is in appropriate, it does not mean that your divorce will be World War III, however, it is important that clients not be afraid to obtain the protection of the court when indicated.

SOURCE: DivorceSource

Collaborative Law: Divorce without War

Collaborative law is a new way to resolve disputes by removing the disputed matter from the litigious court room setting and treating the process as a way to "trouble shoot and problem solve" rather than to fight and win.

As part of the collaborative law method, both parties retain separate attorneys whose job it is to help them settle the dispute. No one may go to court. If that should occur, the collaborative law process terminates and both attorneys are disqualified from any further involvement in the case.

Each party in the Collaborative law process signs a contractual agreement which include the following terms:

1. Disclosure of Documents.
   Each party agrees to honestly and openly disclose all documents and information relating to the issues. Neither spouse may take advantage of a miscalculation or an inadvertent mistake. Instead, such errors are identified and corrected.
2. Respect.
   Each party agrees to act respectfully and avoid disparaging or vilifying any of the participants.
3. Insulating Children.
   As part of the process all participants agree to insulate the children from the proceeding and to act ins such a way as to minimize the impact of the divorce on them.
4. Sharing Experts.
   The parties agree to implement outside experts where necessary in a cooperative fashion and share the costs related to those experts. (eg. real estate appraisers, business appraisers, parenting consultants, vocational evaluators, or accountants)
5. Win-Win Solutions.
   The primary goal of the process is to work toward an amicable solution and to create a "win-win" situation for all.
6. No Court.
   Neither party may seek or threaten court action to resolve disputes. If the parties decide to go to court, the attorneys must withdraw and the process begins anew in the court system.

Collaborative Divorce

The Collaborative Divorce Process is a way of practicing law where the attorneys for both of the parties in a divorce agree to assist them in resolving conflict or legal issues using cooperative strategies rather than adversarial techniques and court proceedings.

The Collaborative Process started in Minnesota in 1990 in the Twin Cities' area with an initial group of four family-law lawyers. Since then, it has spread across the United States and Canada.

There are many advantages to using an attorney that practices Collaborative Divorce Law. The process is usually less time consuming and more cost effective than going through the adversarial system. The Collaborative Process uses a team approach to reaching a settlement. Both parties to the divorce are supported by their lawyers; however, they work cooperatively with their spouse. The process is much less fear and anxiety producing than using court proceedings or the threat of court proceedings. When the threat of going to court is out of the picture, it is easier to focus on reaching a settlement. When a settlement is reached amicably, it feels much more like a 'win-win' situation. In the Collaborative Process, there is a parity of payment to each attorney so that neither party's representation is deprived by lack of funds.

The Collaborative Process uses informal discussions and conferences attended by both spouses and their attorneys to settle all issues. The Collaborative Process relies on an atmosphere of honesty, cooperation, integrity, and professionalism. It requires that both spouses, with the assistance of their attorneys, provide all pertinent documents and information relating to the issues to be settled. In the event that experts are necessary, it encourages the use of jointly retained experts. Both spouses and attorneys are required to work together toward a shared resolution that is geared toward the future well being of the family.

If the parties cannot reach a settlement through the collaborative process approach, the collaborative lawyers withdraw from the case and the parties are free to retain trial attorneys to pursue the matter in court.

The collaborative process is not right for every case. The decision of whether or not your case is appropriate for the collaborative law process must be discussed with the attorney you select. If you wish to consider the collaborative law process for your divorce, consult with an attorney trained and educated in this specific area before you decide how to proceed in your case.

It takes a strong commitment on both sides to be honest and open in exchanging information, but if you and your spouse can agree to use the collaborative process, it is a viable alternative to divorce litigation.

SOURCE: DivorceHQ

Glossary of Collaborative Divorce Terms

The following is a glossary of terms used in the Collaborative Divorce process:

Legal Terms

Collaborative Attorney - An individual trained in the practice of law who espouses to the above method to aid couples in the dissolution (divorce) process. The Attorney addresses the legal issues that a couple faces in seeking a divorce. Through problem-solving negotiations that do not include adversarial techniques or tactics, the attorney advises their client concerning applicable law and its effect on them and helps them draft agreements in the spirit of cooperation.

Collaborative Law - Consists of two clients and their respective attorneys working together toward the sole goal of reaching an efficient, fair, comprehensive settlement of all issues. Each attorney's retainer agreement specifies that under no circumstances will the lawyer represent the client if the matter goes to court. If the process fails to reach agreement and either party then wishes to have matters resolved in court, both collaborative attorneys disqualify themselves from further representation. Other professionals are brought into the collaborative process as needed, but only as neutrals, independently retained by each spouse. These professionals also disqualify themselves and cannot assist either party if the matter goes to court. The Collaborative process involves binding commitments by both parties and the attorneys to disclose voluntarily all relevant information, to proceed respectfully and in good faith, and to refrain from any threat of litigation during the process.

Mediation - A voluntary, private and confidential process, whereby a couple meets with a mediator who helps facilitate their communication in order to access resources and negotiate agreements.

Mediator - A neutral, impartial person who is trained in negotiating, conflict resolution and communication skills. The mediator does not represent any party or take sides, nor does he/she act as an attorney, judge, coach or therapist. He/she explains the mediation process to the parties, and assists divorcing couples to clarify issues, concerns, interests, needs and values. The mediator brings in and works with various professionals as needs arise.

The Multi-Disciplinary Cooperative Divorce Model - In this model, clients select either collaborative attorneys, a mediator or a paralegal to help them facilitate their no-court divorce process. Other divorce professionals are called in on an as-needed basis to manage the financial, emotional, physical and spiritual issues as they arise during the divorce process. Central to this model is the idea that the clients and the professionals work together as a "team" with an attitude of cooperation and respect.

Paralegal - (Now known as a Legal Document Assistant or LDA) - An individual who helps a couple represent themselves in the dissolution of their marriage in a simple, uncontested divorce situation. An LDA will do all the processing of the paperwork throughout the divorce process. If a couple chooses to go through the Mediation Process, the LDA can also file the appropriate forms to complete the divorce.

Pro Per - (Latin) - Literally means "do it yourself." This term is often used in mediation and collaborative law to designate that clients have determined to represent themselves. For example, when filing papers through a Legal Document Assistant, clients sometimes file "Pro Per."

Financial Terms

Accounting - The system of recording and summarizing business and financial transactions, and then analyzing, verifying and reporting the results.

Certified Divorce Financial Analyst - Already trained as either accountants, investment advisors or financial planners Certified Divorce Financial Analysts receive specialized training to help divorce clients develop a fair and equitable financial settlement. Various scenarios based on different settlement options for dividing assets are explored. Spouses and their lawyers in a case review these considerations. All assets, debts, income and expenses -- include but not limited to, health benefits, retirement plans, investments, home, stock options, alimony, child support, and tax implications--are factored into the financial models.

Certified Public Accountant - An accountant who has met the requirements of state law, through appropriate education and training, and has been granted a certificate. CPAs can audit one's finances, which is vital to a fair and equitable property settlement in a divorce.

Financial Counselor - (In the CCD Model) - This professional acts as a neutral party who assists both spouses in gathering all the financial information about the couple or family in a supportive and nurturing environment. Each client is encouraged to assist in financial disclosure and documentation of the income, expenses, assets, and debts of the family. The essential shift is from a data focus to a system focus, whereby the financial counselor listens and then helps the clients understand the overall picture created by their particular family's financial situation. The knowledge gained by the clients through the data collection and documentation can aid each partner in achieving the financial settlement he/she desires.

Financial Planner/Financial Advisor/Estate Planner - Certified professionals who work in the field of accounting, insurance, or investments. They advise clients on how to invest their money to get the best return on their dollar based on their own tolerance for risk. They can facilitate retirement planning, long-term financial investment and life insurance needs.

Emotional/Mental Health Terms

Child Representative - An experienced, licensed therapist with specific education and training in the expected behaviors, stages, challenges and tasks of the development of a child. They work with the child (ren) to address specific emotional and practical day-to-day needs as they relate to the divorce process. The Child Representative also helps in designing the parenting plans that specifically address the defined needs of the child (ren) as they go through the restructuring of the family.

Coach - (In the CCD Model) - A licensed therapist who teaches communication strategies that enable the divorcing couple to more effectively negotiate and solve problems in a cooperative manner. The Coach also provides the couple with information on co-parenting issues and helps them process the emotional issues that arise during the divorce process.

Therapist - A licensed mental health professional (Marriage and Family Therapist, Psychologist or Social Worker) trained in the assessment and treatment of emotional, personality and or relationship difficulties. The therapist may function under the CCD Model to help a person move through the transitions of the divorce process. A therapist can help individuals when they are facing emotions that may be overwhelming and interfering with day-to-day functioning. The therapist may also assist a client dealing with underlying core issues that are being triggered and surfacing due to being in the dissolution process.

Please note: In the CCD Model there is a distinction made between the role of a Therapist and the role of the Coach. Any mental health professional listed may be selected to work as a Coach for a divorcing partner. However, once a client chooses a therapist to be his or her Coach, that therapist cannot function as the client's therapist as well. Should mental health issues arise that are of a deeper nature, the client can select another professional from the list of therapists in the CCD Web Site Directory.

Other Business Professionals

Actuary - Almost all actuaries are in the Insurance Industry. They are trained mathematicians dealing with probabilities and evaluating the current financial implications of future inevitable events. In the divorce process an actuary could be called upon to calculate the current assets of a couple and project what the worth would be at some future date. He/ She may also answer questions such as: How much would an unemployed person need in current assets to be equal to someone that has an established income? What would be the equivalent and what would be the future result of splitting up current assets? How long will a couple's assets last if they are split equally?

Credit Repair - A professional involved in repairing an individual's credit. He/She does more than just place the individual with a consumer credit agency, which arranges monthly payments to each creditor to whom a person owes money. This professional works directly with the individual's creditors to negotiate a pay off agreement regarding the debt the client owes to a particular company.

Employment Specialist - Helps clients assess their marketability and their vocational skills to be successful in pursuing their chosen career path in the current job market. This professional can also help clients define their values, wants and needs as they pertain to the career/job the clients are seeking. The employment specialist aids clients in resume development and educates them in successful interviewing strategies.

Investigator - Provides investigative and background information services, including asset, property and bank location searches, credit reports, etc. These reports are often necessary to meet the legal requirements of full disclosure in the divorce process.

Life Insurance Agent - A State-licensed, trained financial professional, who represents a group of financial products. These products can provide protection against the loss of a wage earner's salary due to death, provide money for burial and other final expenses, protect one's estate from liquidation due to estate taxes, provide funds for college, and accumulate a pool of cash for use in retirement on a tax-advantaged basis, among many other uses. Proceeds are generally protected from creditors and income tax.

Mortgage/Loan Broker - Acts as an intermediary to secure financing for real estate. The property can be commercial and/or residential.

Professional Organizer - A person who teaches individuals how to become more efficient in getting rid of clutter and developing systems for storing and retrieving information. Using solid techniques and methods, this professional can aid others to overcome procrastination, help those who find it difficult to throw anything away, and/or encourage those who find themselves chronically disorganized.

QDRO - (Qualified Domestic Relations Orders) - These are legal papers that direct Qualified Plan Administrators and Employers to divide retirement plan assets according to the agreement of the parties. A person, who specializes in handling QDROs can also file documents to protect Retirement Plan Assets during the divorce process.

Real Estate Agent - First level designation of an individual trained and licensed to handle all aspects of buying and selling property -- both commercial and residential. Usually an agent specializes in one or the other. He/She works under a Real Estate Broker (see below). This professional is qualified to aid clients in filling out the necessary paperwork for any real estate transaction. One of the services he/she provides is giving Comparable Market Analysis (CMA) of the value of property.

Real Estate Broker - Is licensed by the State at a higher level of expertise than an agent and is able to have his/her own Real Estate Brokerage Firm. Brokers may supervise agents that work under them and can perform all the functions of a real estate agent.

Virtual Assistant - A person who provides administrative support for small business owners, entrepreneurs, and consultants. He/She handles any needed administrative functions a client requests. Some examples of functions he/she can perform are: making appointments; doing correspondence; preparing marketing materials; maintaining databases; doing internet and telephone research; and customer follow-up.

Spiritual

In the CCD Model there is room for the spiritual aspect that is individual to every person. Our professionals are sensitive to the spiritual needs that may arise for individuals and families as the divorce process unfolds. Issues that can arise range from reaffirming one's faith despite difficult times, to addressing conflicts regarding religion and parenting plans. We encourage you to address your spiritual needs with the professional you have chosen to assist you in your divorce process, who can then talk to you about the appropriate resources available.

SOURCE: The Coalition for Collaborative Divorce

It's over - but let's be friends

Collaborative divorce lets exes-to-be work out details together.

A divorce reached through collaboration might sound odd for couples headed toward Splitsville. Same goes for their attorneys, who make serious dough when breakups are drawn-out and dirty.

Yet 25 bay area lawyers and a growing number of their clients have embraced "collaborative divorce," a process that restores the give-and-take lost somewhere after "I do."

"What's left after the massacre?" Tampa marital law attorney Nancy Harris said of traditional divorce. "It feels better to win with this process."

Traditional divorces don't always go to trial. Many go to mediation, where an arbitrator stays neutral while everyone else takes sides.

The collaborative concept puts participants on the same team. Spouses and attorneys come together with mental health and financial experts read: no judges for meetings. Before each meeting, they agree on an agenda focused on child support, asset division and alimony.

They go to the courthouse only when it's time for a judge to sign off on the final settlement.

Georgia Collaborative Law FAQ

What is the Goal of Collaborative Law?
The goal or purpose of collaborative law is to offer lawyers and their clients a structured, non-adversarial alternative to an increasingly adversarial system of dispute resolution. It guarantees consumers of legal services high quality, skilled legal counsel to assist in the evaluation and resolution of a problem, without litigation.

What Are the Benefits of Collaborative Family Law?
Collaborative family law focuses on all involved parties reaching a mutually agreed upon settlement of their disputes. The process results in valuable benefits. It creates a cooperative environment where communication remains open, which provides a setting where you can work with your spouse to meet each of your needs and your children's needs. You and your spouse shape the agreements together thus, you are more likely to abide by your agreements and maintain a tone of open communication and reduced conflict in the future. The collaborative process diminishes the parental conflict the adversarial system generates and helps protect children from facing the anguish and divided loyalties that result.

A cooperative team approach is utilized instead of the adversarial approach. Your lawyer supports you and your spouse's lawyer supports your spouse, but you all work together and, in doing so, the parties retain control of the process. In matters requiring parenting and/or financial expert opinions, both parties can jointly hire one independent consultant. That helps shorten the duration of the case and reduce the overall expense. You can schedule meetings without waiting for court dates and generally spend less time and, consequently, less money to reach closure. The fear and anxiety associated with court proceedings is also avoided and you have more privacy, greater confidentiality, and less stress during an already stressful time.

For Whom is Collaborative Law a Good Idea?
Consumers of legal services looking for experienced legal counsel and skilled advocacy, but do not want the stress, threat and cost of litigation. Not every lawyer will want or be able to practice collaborative law. Not every case will be appropriate for collaborative law, nor will every client be interested in avoiding the adversarial contest. For many, however, the adversarial experience has led to a belief that the commitment of time, energy, and money to an adversarial case often does not achieve an outcome which provides a cost effective or even the most beneficial solution to clients' problems.

Children in the Collaborative Process: The Role of the Child Specialist

Most people realize that divorce has a long term effect on children. What some may not realize is the extent of the emotional impact of a protracted and contested divorce on even small children. The following are quotes from children aged 4 to 6 who were asked to share their thoughts on divorce and on lawyers and to give suggestions to divorce lawyers and judges:

About Divorce

Divorce is when you pay lawyers a lot of money to wreck your family.

About Lawyers

                    Lawyers can be good and bad. They help people and give them tips, but they take a lot of money.

They lie a little bit to help you win; it’s someone you can buy.

I talked to one once and I thought she listened. But she took care of the money and not me.

Suggestions for Lawyers and Judges

I would tell them to make Mommy and Daddy get along. I’m too little. I can’t. If they can’t, then don’t stretch it out please.

Keep that grey tape in the court hall so that they don’t say stuff that hurts people’s feelings.

What is Collaborative Family Law?

Collaborative family law is a powerful and effective way for people who are divorcing to reach fair solutions and resolve differences, using highly trained and skilled professionals, while avoiding the cost and uncertainties of litigation. Collaborative family law is about achieving a fair and equitable settlement and assessing and accomplishing the thoughtful restructuring of the family.

The collaborative family law process is progressive because it allows couples to obtain the positive advantages of legal, financial, psychological and personal assistance in sorting out the complexities of their divorce, while at the same time focusing on issue resolution and family growth while completely avoiding the harmful disadvantages of the adversarial litigation process.

Only collaborative family law addresses the whole picture that is involved in divorce. It recognizes that divorce is more than a legal procedure or event. It is also a time of intense distress and proves to be challenging for the parties and particularly for the children. Many financial issues are involved and often they are complex. Because it does address the whole picture, the collaborative law process helps parties achieve a more complete, enriching and long term resolution.

In this process, parents and children tend to suffer fewer traumas, heal faster and have better relationships with each other after the divorce. Additionally, children are protected from the most devastating aspects of a family break-up.

People can use the collaborative family law process to resolve their entire matter, including child custody and visitation issues, property division and support. Post-divorce issues, such as adjustment of time with children or adjustment of support, can also be solved with collaborative law.

A Kinder, Gentler Way To Divorce

Collaborative divorce gains popularity as way to ease pain and suffering.

    Divorce can do much more than officially shred a marriage certificate. The dissolution can create emotional bleeding that may never heal among the parents and the children, who must somehow move on with their lives. And the financial impact of blowing a marriage apart can leave behind as much destruction as a mushroom cloud.

    Which is why an increasing number of attorneys, therapists and financial experts who work with divorcing couples are advocating that their clients choose a more productive and less hostile way to dissolve a marriage. The path less traveled is called the collaborative divorce process, which is growing in popularity across the country among professionals and their feuding clients.

    While no one knows how many couples are terminating their marriages using the collaborative process, membership in the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals, which is an umbrella group for experts working in the divorce field, is doubling every year and is now close to 1,300.

Professionals in at least 35 states have embraced the collaborative process. “The collaborative divorce phenomenon is growing by leaps and bounds across North America as the process is becoming more and more known,” says Bob Bordett, an IACP board member and a certified financial planner at Consolidated Planning Corp., a boutique investment advisory firm in Atlanta.

    At first glance, the ground rules that an unhappy couple must agree to follow during this collaborative process may sound laughable for two people who long ago stopped sharing confidences, much less bathrooms. Couples who select this approach must agree in writing not to go to court or threaten to make that move even if things don’t appear to be going their way. A spouse who breaks that promise will quickly find him or herself all alone. The attorneys and other professionals, who had been guiding the spouse through each step in the divorce, will disappear.

    The key word in this approach is collaboration, which means husband and wife must check their howitzers at the door. Instead, they agree to negotiate all aspects of the divorce. The aim is to break up in a way that strives to take into account the highest priorities of each spouse and any children. Mutual respect is crucial, and husband and wife are expected to be honest with each other. That means, for instance, if one of them was having an affair that made them want the divorce, that fact needs to be revealed. And obviously, hiding assets or being less than candid when talks turn to money is a no-no.