Sign Up for Free Report on "12 Steps to Preparing for a Georgia Divorce"

I am still working to complete my book on Georgia divorce, which I will make available to my readers when it is completed, but in the meantime, I have completed a free report on "12 Steps to Preparing for a Georgia Divorce."

This guide is available to anyone who provides their contact information on the "Sign Up for Our Email Newsletter" form on the upper right side of this page.

When you enter your email address there, you are taken to another page to provide your complete contact information (name, address, telephone, etc.) and you can select from a number of choices of free reports and newsletters I offer.

Select the "Free Report: Georgia Divorce Law" option and you will receive the longer book when it is completed, but you will also receive the "12Steps" report right now. I will send you a link to a page where you can download the report.

Thank you for your interest and for being a reader of this blog!

July 01, 2009

Divorce Attorneys Using Social Media to Find Evidence

It's been known for a while that current and potential future employers look at people's profiles on social networking sites such as Facebook.

And it's also been known that people are using social networking sites to announce the status of their relationship -- or lack of one.

Now the two uses are getting together, with divorce attorneys mining social networking sites for evidence supporting their clients.

"Lawyers, however, love these sites, which can be evidentiary gold mines," said a recent article in Time. "Did your husband's new girlfriend Twitter about getting a piece of jewelry? The court might regard that as marital assets being disbursed to a third party. Did your wife tell the court she's incapable of getting a job? Then your lawyer should ask why she's pursuing job interviews through LinkedIn." One attorney quoted in the article said such research is "routine."

In addition, exes are posting information about their formers -- such as an estranged wife emailing "friends" of the spouse the additional information that he was married with children, which he had neglected to include in his Facebook profile.

Such messages on a social-networking site can even be part of a harassment campaign that led to the court's issuing a civil order of protection, one attorney said.

SOURCE: DaniWeb

June 30, 2009

Top 10 Reasons a Premarital Agreement May be Invalid

FindLaw has a list of 10 reasons which may cause a prenuptial agreement to fail. For more details, check out the original post, but this is a list of those reasons:

  1. NO WRITTEN AGREEMENT. 
  2. NOT PROPERLY EXECUTED. 
  3. YOU WERE PRESSURED. 
  4. YOU DIDN'T READ IT.
  5. NO TIME FOR CONSIDERATION. 
  6. INVALID PROVISIONS. 
  7. FALSE INFORMATION. 
  8. INCOMPLETE INFORMATION. 
  9. NO INDEPENDENT COUNSEL.
  10. UNCONSCIONABILITY.  

If you need a prenuptial agreement or have questions about them under Georgia law, we can help. Call us at 770-425-6060.

June 18, 2009

Telling your kids about your divorce? Avoid these mistakes.

Rosalind Sedacca has some great information I wanted to share with
you as my readers:

 
Getting psyched up to tell your children about your pending divorce
-- or separation? Not sure what to say? When to say it? How to
say it? What to expect after the conversation? What to do next?
How do deal with your special circumstances? What therapists,
mediators, attorneys, clergy and other professionals suggest you do
and don't do to make things better all around? Well, you're not
alone.
 
Having the "divorce talk" with a child you love is one of the
toughest conversations you'll ever have. Shouldn't you be prepared?
 
Professionals all agree on some of the most common mistakes parents
make when bringing up divorce or separation. These include:
 
* asking children to bear the weight of making decisions or
choosing sides
* failing to remind children that none of this is in any way their
fault
* forgetting to emphasize that Mom and Dad will still always be
their Mom and Dad -- even after divorce!
* confiding adult details to children in order to attract their
allegiance or sympathy
* neglecting to repeatedly remind children that they are safe,
innocent and very much loved
* failing to explain clearly that everything is going to be okay.
 
These are just some of the most common messages that parents fail
to convey because they're just not prepared -- and most probably
quite scared!
 
If you're about to tackle this tough conversation -- or you know
someone who is -- there's finally help you can depend on to
simplify the process. I just completed writing How Do I Tell the
Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide(TM) that
Prepares Your Children -- with Love!
It provides an innovative
new concept I created, based on my own life experience. And, most
importantly, it works!
 
To learn more about this new therapist-, attorney- and
mediator-endorsed guidebook for parents, click on the link below.
You'll get the whole story of how the easy-to-use template works,
how you and your children will benefit from this personalized family
storybook approach -- and much more. Most important of all, this
simple guidebook doesn't just tell you what to say -- it says it
for you! So you're sure to do it right, for the sake of your kids.
 
Click here to learn more ...
http://www.howdoitellthekids.com


MEET ROSALIND SEDACCA, CCT
Rosalind Sedacca is a writer, an award-winning professional speaker, and Certified Corporate Trainer specializing in both communication and relationship issues. She has facilitated workshops and seminars throughout the United States and beyond on creating 'conscious' relationships for both singles and couples. Based on her own personal experience, her new book How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children - with Love! provides an innovative and professionally acclaimed new approach to breaking the divorce news to your children. Rosalind's Child-Centered Divorce Network provides resources that help parents create successful outcomes for the entire family for years and decades to come.

UPDATE:

Attention Divorcing Parents
 
Join experts Lisa Decker, CDFA and Rosalind Sedacca, CCT  for a powerful and informative teleseminar filled with great tips and advice on:
 
Secrets of Creating a Successful Child-Centered Divorce
Don't you wish there was a way to move on while creating a positive outcome for everyone in the family?  There can be!  Divorce doesn't have to scar your children.
                                                                                                                   
 
Teleseminar event:                                          Right-click here to download pictures. To help protect your privacy, Outlook prevented automatic download of this picture from the Internet.
divorce and children
 
Wednesday, June 24th, 2009
7:00 pm Eastern Standard Time
 
Divorce can be complex and frustrating on its own. When you add innocent children to the mix, you must be extremely careful to safeguard everyone's physical, emotional and psychological needs.
 
On this call, Lisa will be interviewing Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, Founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network, as she helps you resolve the day-to-day challenges of parenting through divorce. You'll discover the pitfalls to avoid, the path to peaceful resolution, resources available to you, proven success strategies and more.

Register here...
http://divorcemoneymatters.com/considering-divorce/events/secrets-of-creating-a-successful-child-centered-divorce/
 
Contact Rosalind if you have any registration problems: rosalind@childcentenereddivorce.com


 

April 10, 2009

Ga. Chief Justice Wants To Curb Divorce Rate

In an article published on WSBTV.com, Georgia Chief Justice Leah Ward Sears is suggesting that, since
the anti-smoking movement helped snuff out rising tobacco use rates, a similar campaign is needed to reverse an uptick in divorces.Sears, who is stepping down from the court on June 30, told an audience Thursday in Athens she will spend a "substantial amount" of time after leaving the court working to reinvigorate marriages and discourage divorce and family abandonment.Some 43 percent of all marriages end in divorce within 15 years, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Sears, who is divorced, pointed to statistics that showed children of divorced couples face increased risks of poverty, child abuse, emotional distress and mental illness.She noted that in Georgia, more than 60 percent of all civil cases heard at the trial court level involve issues concerning children and families -- more than all criminal cases combined."As a mechanism for signaling to young people the right time and the right person with whom to have a baby, marriage has no peer," she said in prepared remarks. "Marriage is also the best child welfare, crime prevention and anti-poverty program we have. We must, therefore, protect it."

Sears, who has served on the Georgia Supreme Court since 1992, has made preserving marriage one of the centerpieces of her tenure as the court's chief justice.The court established a first-of-its-kind commission that gathered experts to find ways to reduce unnecessary divorce rates and launched a campaign to publicize the toll a divorce takes on a family.Sears has not yet announced where she will work when she steps down. She has said she will seek jobs in the private sector, perhaps as a university president or at a civil rights law firm.She has also been mentioned as a potential U.S. Supreme Court nominee, and she has not ruled out an eventual return to public service. Whatever she does, she said she will work to encourage lasting marriage in all sectors of society."It's for us to muster the determination and effort needed to save our children and ultimately our country from self-destruction," she said. "The alternative is to accept as inevitable that some of our children will enjoy a privilege that others are denied."

SOURCE: WSBTV.com

April 08, 2009

Don't Forget to Update Your Will and Estate Plan After Divorce

The following article, offering excellent advice, is written by Bellevue, Washington collaborative and cooperative divorce attorney Karin Quirk:

I send my clients a letter with their final divorce papers. I always advise them to update their wills and estate plans. Most of them don't do it. I think I will start being more proactive because it is important. Here are a few things you might want to consider:

Who has power of attorney for health care?
Is it your former spouse? Do you want that?

Do you want to leave your estate to your former spouse?
The divorce invalidates that portion of your will. If you want your former spouse to be the recipient, you need to restate that after the divorce.

The divorce and a new will won't change beneficiaries on your insurance and retirement accounts
You must fill out new beneficiary forms. Don't think just making a will takes care of it.

Did you set up a trust account for your children? If you did, did you make the trust the beneficiary on your insurance?
Often clients don't want children to inherit large sums of money all at once when they are 18 and set up a trust to handle the money until they are older. The largest sum often is the insurance proceeds and if the children are the beneficiaries they will receive the lump sum when they are 18. You should name the children's trust as the beneficiary.

What documents should you have along with a will?

You should have

A will (Last Will and Testament)
Power of Attorney for Health Care

Health Care Directive
Durable Power of Attorney

SOURCE: Karin E. Quirk

For more information on wills, trusts and estate planning in Georgia, check out my Georgia Wills, Trusts and Estate Planning Blog.

February 19, 2009

Ex-NFL player seeks reduction of child support

Former Denver Broncos running back Travis Henry appeared in DeKalb County Superior Court Thursday to try and reduce child support payments to one of nine children he fathered by as many women.

At the hearing, Randall M. Kessler, Henry’s attorney, argued that his client’s $3,000-a-month payments to Jameshia Beacham, the mother of his 5-year-old son, should be reduced because Henry is no longer earning a paycheck in the National Football League.

Henry was released by the Broncos last June.

“When you’re making zero dollars, what is the right amount [of child support]?,”said Kessler prior to Thursday’s hearing. “He’s not putting his head in the sand. He wants to support all of his children.”

In court Kessler noted that Henry awaits prosecution on federal drug charges in Colorado, and that if he’s sent to prison that could hamper his ability to pay child support.

Henry has offered Beacham a one-time payment of $100,000 to settle the case, an offer her attorney, Robert Wellon, scoffed at in court Thursday.

Wellon argued that Henry is unemployed by choice and that he’s squandered hundreds of thousands of dollars that could have been spent on supporting his children.

“It’s kind of like the gentleman who kills both parents and comes to the court to beg for mercy because he is an orphan,” Wellon said.

The hearing is ongoing as testimony continues.

SOURCE: AJC.com

January 31, 2009

Georgia bill could ban GPS tracking

Dreamstime_7666143 Private investigators in Georgia are a little irked at a proposed bill that could disallow placing GPS trackers on vehicles.  While the bill excludes parents tracking kids, cops, and enterprise usage, it includes private investigators.

Inside a completely ordinary SUV parked anywhere in Metro Atlanta, private investigator T.J. Ward and his team can track anyone at any time, without them knowing.

Instead following a target, running red lights and swerving through traffic, investigators like Ward can just stick a little box with a magnet to the bottom of a car in seconds. As a person drives, a computer program tracks them via satellite, and prints a list of their whereabouts -- even how fast they were going. Ward's team has been hired by parents after a bitter child custody case, or a spouse.

One of Ward's clients, who was married for 18 years, said that  he used it for several weeks, just tracking where his wife's vehicle was, and confirmed his suspicions. He credits the GPS surveillance with saving him millions of dollars in alimony.

Ward said, "These are the tools of our trade, just like it is with law enforcement."That might not be the case for long. A proposed bill is in the Georgia Legislature to outlaw the devices. It gives exception to law enforcement officers, but private investigators are not included.

Rep. Kevin Levitas wrote the legislation to protect Georgians, and offers exceptions for parents tracking children, cops tracking criminals, and employers watching their vehicles, but not private investigators."I think you or I need to be able to go to the shopping center, get a carton of eggs, and not have to check under our car to see if someone placed a tracking device," said Levitas. "I think the legislation's good so any John Doe person can't walk into a store, buy a GPS and throw it on someone's car, just because they want to know where someone is."

SOURCE: WSB-TV

SOURCE FOR POST: GPS Obsessed

January 13, 2009

The Domino Effect of The Current Economic Crisis

The following article is written by guest bloggers Sue K. Varon, Esq. and Martin S. Varon, CPA, CVA, JD, of Alternative Resolution Methods, Inc.

Sue_varon_profile  Marty Varon

The deepening recession, increased unemployment, and a stalled housing market have negatively impacted most of our clients’ financial situations. Many clients’ homes are underwater because of declining values.  Other divorcing couples who are fortunate enough to have equity in their most significant marital asset, their home, can not sell their house. Combine that with the plummeting values of retirement accounts, and we are looking at marital asset balance sheets that are nothing less than bleak. 

Although, historically, divorce rates tend to rise during a bad economy, divorce practitioners nationwide have noticed a change in their practices. Experts attribute the decline in divorce filings to the severity of the economic downturn. Typically, a recession results in decreased divorce rates for couples with limited financial resources. The prospect of incurring expenses for two households seems overwhelming for those with limited resources. On the other hand, high net-worth clients may seek to take advantage of the diminished value of their homes, stock and investment portfolios, and businesses to decrease their overall financial liability to their soon-to-be ex-spouse.

When the marital residence or small business is the most significant marital asset, the party who is able to retain the house or business may reap a significant benefit down the road, rather than the one who is compensated by cash or other assets, because the value of the house or business is likely to increase once the economy recovers.

The credit crisis has impacted us, as practitioners, as well. How many times have you heard from a client that their credit card is maxed out and he/she can not replenish their retainer? Discovery has been completed but there is no more money to fund the litigation. Where does that leave us? 

Instead of thinking of ways to get out of the case, perhaps we should begin to think of alternative ways to resolve the case in a more cost-effective manner. We are all familiar with mediation and late case evaluation. Arbitration is another alternative when impasse has positioned the parties and created a standstill. A three person arbitration panel, comprised of a family law expert, a financial expert and a mental health professional, may provide an insightful resolution that is far more productive than going to court. Bringing additional professionals into the picture may bring difficult issues into focus.

If the main problems are financial in nature, involving marital asset division or support alternatives, introducing a financial neutral to work with the parties may move things in the right direction. One thing many of us have not considered is the value that a financial neutral would contribute to helping the case settle in mediation. The presence of the financial expert at the mediation, working in conjunction with the mediator, would provide answers to many of the financial issues that impede the settlement process. Issues such as the tax savings associated with different support options, the variations in pension values caused by using different interest rate assumptions, and the after tax versus before tax values of various assets could be resolved right on the spot. When the primary sticking points center on custody issues, the assistance of a parent coordinator or child specialist could prove invaluable.  

Today’s economy requires us, as legal professionals, to assemble a team that will serve our clients in a cost-effective manner. Although we all know that some cases are destined to go to litigation, we should attempt to utilize alternative methods of resolution prior to taking this final leap. Mediation, arbitration and a form of the collaborative law model are just a few possibilities. We are fortunate to live in a community replete with knowledgeable and experienced experts who can provide our clients with wonderful resources. It is up to us to inform our clients of the availability of those options. 

How Support via Direct Deposit Damages Your Mortgage Application After Divorce

 Kelly Lise Murray                                                                                

Kelly Lise Murray, Co-Founder & President of DivorceThisHouse.com warns against a hidden danger of divorce real estate -post-divorce mortgages. 

Not all forms of alimony and child support count as YOUR income for mortgage purposes. In an article posted on ActiveRain.com, she cautions child support recipients that accepting your support by direct deposit is a huge mistake.  She says the same is true about cash.  The reason: Banks require proof of income. When you receive support by direct deposit or in cash, there is no paper trail or proof of income.

These are the things you need:

1. A Paper Trail - A Track Record of On-time Payment in Full: 

Without a paper trail creating a track record on on-time payments by the obligor, the mortgage lender cannot count your support as income.  And you may not qualify for a mortgage without it. 

For the best paper trail, she suggests you have your support payments sent directly to state.  The slight time delay (from spouse to state to you) is more than made up for by the benefits of state-tracking and collection assistance for support arrears.  Plus, state-tracked child support arrears can become liens on your spouse's post-divorce property; as a result, your spouse cannot refinance or sell that property without paying you!

Otherwise, only accept support by check and make sure you photocopy and keep a record of each support check you receive.

2. A Court Order Requiring Support for at Least 3 Years from the Date Your Mortgage Closes:

Lenders require a court order continuing child support for 3 years before it counts as income.  The same is true for alimony/spousal support.

You must actually receive support payments ontime, in full for 3 to 12 months before lenders will approve a mortgage, depending on the loan program.

The bottom line:  A mortgage professional can help you determine your best options now for a stronger financial future!  And sooner is always better in divorce real estate.

SOURCE: ActiveRain.com

November 19, 2008

New Options for Child Support Payments

 

Sue_varon_profile  Jennifer Varon

By Sue Varon, Esq. and Jennifer Varon

 

            Non-custodial parents pay child support in a variety of ways.   Divorced parents should be provided with all possible options for making these payments.  Some new options have emerged both in the public and private sectors.

 

            Perhaps the most common way child support is paid is through an income withholding or income deduction order, which is issued to the employer of the payor, and mandates payment of support directly to the recipient.  In most states income deduction orders have been mandatory unless (1) there is a written agreement between the parties specifying an alternative arrangement, or (2) there is a court order finding good cause against it and finding that the income deduction order is not in the child’s best interest. 

 

            However, income deduction orders can be problematic.  If the payor is self-employed, periodically unemployed, or is paid only on commission, income deduction orders may have little effect.  Moreover, many payors do not wish to disclose to their employer their private matters. Also, some employers refuse to comply without a court order.  Further, recipients of support do not want the payor to know their bank account information, which would be necessary if the payor’s employer is to follow the income deduction order.

 

            Most states have established agencies for the enforcement of child support orders.   The problem is these agencies have huge case overloads, suffer intermittent backlog of work, and delay in transferring payment to recipient.  Consequently, many custodial parents have to resort to private suits for enforcement through contempt, garnishment, and use of private child support enforcement companies. Problematically, many private child support enforcement companies charge astronomical fees for their services, deducting a large percentage (as high as 34%) from the child support collected, and in addition, charge annual fees (some as much as $500).

 

            In reality, most divorce cases settle privately and, divorce lawyers draft settlement agreements providing for the required “alternative arrangement” for child support payment.  The settlement agreements include the amount of monthly support due, the manner it shall be paid, how often, and until when.  A paragraph should also be included in the settlement agreement that provides if payments fall behind more than 30 days, garnishment for support is allowed. 

 

            The most common manner of private payment is still paper check.  Of course, the worst delivery method is through the child, at the conclusion of the payor’s visitation time.  When mailed, payment by check sets up the classic problem of “the check is in the mail” and real or false accusations of late receipt. 

 

            Both payors and recipients of support complain that they hardly use paper checks anymore.   Payors do not want to deal with mailing support checks when they pay most bills online.  Recipients do not want to deal with waiting to get the check in the mail, driving to the bank, and waiting in line, to deposit the check. Further, if the recipient is out of town when the check arrives, the deposit will be delayed even further.

 

            Most people do not want to use the government agencies to transfer the support from payor to payee. The parties have been involved in the court system during the divorce process. After the conclusion of the case they want to handle things privately, outside of government involvement. The solution: payment of child support online by credit card through a private company, rather than the government. Using a rewards credit card to pay support could allow the payor to earn cash back rewards or frequent flyer points. Better yet, setting up payments on a recurring basis would be convenient to the payor. The benefit to the recipient would be receiving the full amount of support conveniently directly deposited into their account whether they are home or not on the date support is scheduled to arrive. Bringing the payment of child support into the 21st century would prevent a lot of post-divorce conflict that too often happens.

 

SupportCertain is the brainchild of Sue Varon, a Georgia family law attorney and her daughter, Jennifer, an accountant with a Master’s Degree.  The company was established to provide divorced parties with “the peaceful way to pay”, minimizing interaction between the parties, while providing them with a way to make and receive support directly and on time. For further information, visit www.supportcertain.comor contact SupportCertain at jennifer@supportcertain.comor at 404 551-4849.

             

October 31, 2008

Getting Divorced? Vital Info Regarding Your Estate Plan

By Alexis Martin Neely


If you've already got an estate plan in place and you are going through a divorce, you've got some steps to take because no matter how you cut it, divorce has a major impact on your estate plan. I hate to tell you that because I know that the last thing you want to think about in the middle of your divorce is your estate planning and yet, it's critically important unless you want your ex to end up with control over all of your assets if anything happens to you.

Yep, that's what could happen if you don't address your estate planning as part of your divorce ... your ex could end up with everything or at the very least in control of everything.

For most people going through a divorce, this is the last thing they want. It certainly was for me!

To make sure this doesn't happen, you need to revamp your estate plan and create a new Will, Trust, Powers of Attorney and Health Care Directives during your divorce and not wait until afterwards.

Revamp Your Estate Plan During Your Divorce Or Your Ex Could Get Everything (including control of your medical decisions!)

Here's the truth: if you are in an accident during your divorce, it's your soon to be ex who will be making  your health care decisions, who will be in control of your money, and will inherit everything if you die unless you have new documents drafted.

Your estate planning lawyer should be one of the first calls you make when you file for divorce.
 
While your divorce is pending, your estate planning lawyer can prepare a divorce Will (a temporary Will that ensures your soon to be ex won't inherit from you if you die), create a new Trust to receive the assets that you will receive after the divorce is final and update your health care directives and powers of attorney.  One thing to be careful of though is not to move any of your assets into your new Trust until after your divorce is final or until your divorce lawyer gives you the go-ahead.

Once the divorce is final and you know which assets you are receiving, you should then revisit your estate planning lawyer and get a new plan in place that will be established to cover what you have been given as part of the divorce and help you plan for your financial future.

Change Your Beneficiary Designations

You also want to make sure to review all of your beneficiary designations after your divorce. This is absolutely critical and often overlooked. And, you need to do it even if your divorce agreement says your ex won't receive any benefits. If you don't change your beneficiary designations, your agreement may be superseded!

There's actually a case pending in the United States Supreme Court right now about this very thing.  Husband and wife got divorced and husband never changed his beneficiary designation on his pension account.  Then, Husband died.  The pension administrator paid the benefits to his ex-wife, as indicated by the beneficiary designation.  Husband's daughter from a prior marriage sued for the benefits claiming that the ex-wife had given up her rights to the pension in the divorce agreement.  The first Court heard the case and agreed.  The appeals Court heard the case and disagreed, saying that the beneficiary designation trumped the divorce agreement. Now, the final answer will come from the Supreme Court.
 
You don't want to put your family through this. So update your beneficiary designations.

Review Your Life Insurance Provisions.

If you have any kind of a requirement in your marital settlement agreement that life insurance should be maintained on the life of either spouse for the benefit of the children, you should have this provision reviewed by your estate planning lawyer.

We've seen so many provisions like this that are just not well thought out. For example, a provision that says "Husband shall maintain life insurance having an aggregate death benefit of $250,000 for the benefit of the minor children" sounds great, right?  But, this is just the kind of provision that provides no protection for the minor children at all.

How long does the insurance have to be maintained?  What type of insurance has to be used?

Can Husband just get a cheap 1 year term policy that needs to be renewed each year?

What if he gets ill and becomes uninsurable? Who should be the beneficiary of the policy?

An effective provision should provide the type of insurance and the minimum length of time it must be in force, specific ratings requirements for the insurance company and whether the policy should be in trust or payable to a trust.  Your estate planning lawyer can help to identify these issues where even a very good divorce lawyer may overlook them.

Bottom line ... your divorce has real, meaningful implications for your estate plan. I know it's not something you want to think about and yet if you don't, you and your family could end up very, very sorry you didn't.

© 2008 Alexis Martin Neely

 

October 23, 2008

Meeting Halfway for Child Visitation Exchanges

Frequently parents of divorce have an agreement, or a court order, to meet at a halfway point for purposes of exchanging their children for visitations.  For families following such an arrangement, MeetWays is a neat website.Meetways

Meetways.com was created to let its users find a point of interest between two addresses. Let's say you need to meet your ex and the kids at some halfway point? Meetways.com will allow you to enter both addresses, then give you the exact halfway point and a list of restaurants and points of interest in that area. Save hours trying to figure out the halfway point on a map and instead find it in one simple click!

Click here for a visit.

SOURCE FOR POST: California Divorce Blawg

October 12, 2008

A Dozen Ways Children Of Divorce Get Caught In Their Parents' Conflict

Every divorcing parent should make it their top priority to keep their children from getting caught in the middle of the conflict of their divorce.  The following tips and thoughts are from James Roberts, RSW, a licensed social worker  in Missouri and Kansas and family therapist in Kansas.  Mr. Roberts practices with Madison Avenue Psychological Services in Kansas City Missouri.

Parents who are either in the middle of a divorce, thinking about divorce, or already divorced should pay careful attention to the following ways that parents put their children directly in the middle of the conflict, and do their best to avoid them!

1.     Bad Mouthing

One of the most hurtful things a divorce parent can do to a child is to criticize the child's other parent in the child's presence.  Statements such as "Your father caused our divorce", or "if it weren't for your mother, we'd still be a family," are common examples of "bad-mouthing".

2.     Forcing a Child To Choose

It is harmful to pressure a child to "take sides" in a dispute between the divorced parents.  Children have a right to their own thoughts and feelings about the divorce and deserve to know they will be loved by both parents regardless of the opinions and feelings they have.  If parents are in conflict over custody and children are facing a decision about which home to live in outside professionals should be called upon for help.

3.     Spying

A parent who asks a child questions about the other parent's personal life is asking that child to become involved in the parents' conflicts.  Children in this situation may end up feeling they have betrayed a parent they love.

4.     Making the Child the Messenger

Parents make their children do a parent's job when they ask their children to carry messages to the other parent.  Children learn indirect ways to communicate when asked to be messengers and may feel guilt over having to assume adult responsibilities for their parents' communication.

5.     Sabotaging the Child's Routine

When parents fail to give a child medication, fail to follow through on discipline imposed by the other parent, or bend rules on bed-time, diet, or curfews out of anger for the other parent, they are involving the child in parental conflicts.  conflicted parents frequently take their children to medical professionals without consulting the other parents as a way of acting out unresolved divorce disputes.  This practice places parental conflict above the child's medical well-being.

6.     Compensating for the Other Parent's Failures

One divorced parent may view the other parent as a poor parent for being "too lenient", "too strict", "too involved", or "not involved enough".  Such parents often try to compensate for the other parent's "failures' by being the opposite kind of parent.  Children in such situations suffer by not having parents who are using a balanced approach to rearing children.

7.     Making a Popularity Contest of Parenthood

A parent may try to win the affection of a child out of fear that the child favors the other parent.  such parents go overboard to "be nice" or refrain from being firm with their children. Children suffer in these situations by not having the advantage of a parent who is acting in the proper role of authority figure.

8.     Being an Accomplice to Whining

A parent may allow a child to complain about the other parents without helping the child see a more balanced view of the other parent.  If the parents either passively accepts the complaint or fails to urge the children to take up these grievances with the other parent they subtly encourage children to use indirect communication as a way of managing conflict.

9.     Child Abuse Allegations

It is becoming common for conflicting parents to express their hostilities by making unfounded allegations of child abuse.  For children the consequences of these allegations are negative and far-reaching.  Children are drawn into evaluations, investigations, and court testimony which greatly increase the risk of prolonged confusion, hurt, and anger.

10.     Custody Fights

Some parents pursue custody fights when they know perfectly well that the real reason for the custody action is to be vindictive.  Children experience custody battles between their parents as extremely stressful.

11.     Child Support

Parents too often use child support by withholding it, demanding more, or making payments late when the real motivation is to perpetuate a dispute with the former spouse.  In many homes children suffer directly when child support payments are not made regularly or when conflict is expressed indirectly in this way.

12.     Using Noble Ideas to Hide Double Standards

A custodial parent might say "i want her to make her own decisions" when a child refused to visit the non-custodial parent but strictly enforce curfews when the same child wants to stay out late.  A custodial parent might say "He has the right to his own feelings" if a child says critical things about his non-custodial parent but lecture and browbeat the same child for "talking back" at home.  Children are sensitive to inconsistencies.  They react to them with mistrust and cynicism.

SOURCE: Missouri Divorce & Family Law Blog

SOURCE FOR POST: Sam Hasler's Indiana Divorce & Family Law Blog

October 11, 2008

Why you must update retirement beneficiary forms after divorce

Through blogging and social media, I have had the pleasure of "meeting" and getting to know a vast array of excellent attorneys and other professionals. One of them is Mina Sirkin. Mina N. Sirkin is a Family Wealth Lawyer in Los Angeles, California.  She is also a Certified Specialist in Estate Planning, Probate and Trust Law by the State Bar of California. Mina publishes several blogs and has an excellent website. She has posted the following article from the Associated Press:

High court dispute over who gets retirement money

WASHINGTON (AP) — If William Kennedy had updated all his financial paperwork in accordance with his divorce decree, chances are his daughter would not have been at the Supreme Court on Tuesday fighting for the $402,000 she thinks should be hers.

When Kennedy died in Texas in 2001, his employer, DuPont Co., looked at the form on which he designated the beneficiary of his retirement account and saw the name of his ex-wife, Liv.

So, despite divorce papers in which she waived her right to the proceeds from that account and over the objection of her daughter Kari, DuPont paid Liv Kennedy the money.

"My father expressly did not want my mother to have another red cent after their divorce was final" in 1994, Kari Kennedy said in an interview. "There's no doubt in my mind that he wanted me to have everything he had."

Kari Kennedy, 32, is a social worker who lives in Lumberton, Texas, with her husband and two children.

Her mother sought the divorce and received money, jewelry, furniture and an 11-year-old Mercedes Benz. The Kennedys were married 22 years. William Kennedy worked for DuPont for 34 years and died three years after he retired.

The dispute over his retirement money ruptured the relationship between mother and daughter, Kennedy said. "I did reconcile with her, but we never agreed on this point," she said. Liv Kennedy returned to her native Norway shortly after the divorce and died there last year.

Not for nothing do financial planners and advice columnists urge people to keep their beneficiary designations up to date.

The main federal law on employee benefits requires companies to follow strictly their workers' wishes as reflected in their designations. Spouses are protected from attempts to cut them out of death and retirement benefits.

Divorce papers, by themselves, aren't always enough to override the earlier designation of a beneficiary.

That is the situation DuPont said it encountered when trying to determine whom to pay after William Kennedy's death. "Marital dissolution comes up all the time," said Mark Levy, DuPont's lawyers. "Congress wanted bright-line rules that could be easily applied."

Kari Kennedy, designated by her father to handle his estate upon his death, sued DuPont and a federal judge found that the waiver Liv Kennedy signed as part of the divorce meant what it said and ordered DuPont to pay William Kennedy's estate $402,000.

The 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals, based in New Orleans, disagreed with the judge and said DuPont correctly gave the retirement savings to Liv Kennedy because she remained her ex-husband's designated beneficiary.

The justices appeared sympathetic to Kari Kennedy, but also concerned about tinkering with the rules.

DuPont's retirement plan says "that if you want to change the beneficiary, here's how you've got to change the beneficiary," Chief Justice John Roberts said.

"We just have no way of knowing" what William Kennedy intended, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said.

Kari Kennedy said her father made his intentions clear. But she agreed that if he had updated all his forms, "we wouldn't be here."

The case is Kennedy v. Plan Administrator, 07-636.

Copyright Associated Press.

____________________________

If you know anyone who is divorced, you can help them avoid the disaster above which could have been easily avoided by simply changing the beneficiary forms pursuant to an order for dissolution, and Qualified Domestic Relations Order.   Problems like the above don't have to end in the Supreme Court.  They can be resolved at the time of divorce with some planning. 

SOURCE: Law Firm Marketing & Management Systems

October 10, 2008

Will Collaborative Divorce Work for You?

When it's time to divorce, spouses have important choices to make about how to proceed and what type of help they'll ask for from others -- including lawyers, mediators, and other professionals. Some people will go on to a lengthy high-conflict divorce with attorneys representing each side, trying to get everything they possibly can. Others will easily agree on how to divide their property and share custody of their children, and might only need help in preparing the legal paperwork to get divorced. But many people fall in the middle, and for those folks,

Divorcing spouses may have different points of view on issues like property division, custody, or support. But this doesn't mean that they have an actual dispute that has to be resolved by a third party. They may simply need help making the decisions together -- and perhaps advice about what's best for them.

The Collaborative Process

Collaborative divorce (also called collaborative law, or collaborative practice) is a process in which you and your spouse negotiate an acceptable agreement with some professional help. You and your spouse each hire specially trained collaborative attorneys who advise and assist you in negotiating the settlement agreement. You meet separately with your own attorney and the four of you meet together on a regular basis, in "four-way" meetings. A collaborative divorce may also involve other professionals, such as child custody specialists or neutral accountants, who are committed to helping you settle your case without litigation.

Ordinarily, both spouses and their attorneys sign a "no court" agreement that requires the attorneys to withdraw from the case if a settlement is not reached and the case goes to court.

Eventually, you will have to have some contact with a domestic relations or family court to get legally divorced. Through collaboration, you can keep that contact brief and manageable. Once you reach agreement on all the issues, you'll make the legal part of the divorce a simple, uncontested procedure that doesn't require a trial or contentious hearings on points of evidence and pretrial maneuvers.

How Collaborative Divorce Helps

There are five ways that collaboration can cut down on the acrimony and expense of divorce, while giving you results that are at least as good as what you'd get in court. You and your spouse can:

  • stabilize the situation through a temporary agreement
  • exchange all necessary information voluntarily
  • agree on legal procedures that minimize expense and streamline the process
  • negotiate a settlement that works for you, and
  • decide how to handle post-divorce decisions.

Whether you and your spouse use collaboration from the very beginning of the divorce process or only for part of it, you will save time and money. Perhaps just as important, you will more likely get through the divorce with your privacy and dignity reasonably intact.

For more information on collaborative divorce, and for help finding a collaborative lawyer in your area, see the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals, at www.collaborativepractice.com.

SOURCE: Nolo.com

Children's Bill of Rights

Colonial_kid Divorce can be a frustrating, time consuming, life changing experience. For those that have children, it can be extraordinarily difficult to keep your divorce from adversely affecting your children. This Bill of Rights for Children of Divorce was put together to help parents act in the best interest of their children by M. Debra Gold, and attorney and guardian ad litem. Additional commentary is provided by William P. Millisor along with the rights.

Every child has the right to love and be loved by both parents.
Your divorce means that your child will most likely be living with one parent most of the time. Parents should not turn their divorce into a contest to get their children to "pick" them over the ex. Children should not be made to feel guilty for time spent with either parent or extended family. Children should be able to express that they want to spend time without fear of disapproval or rejection. While you may not need each other anymore, your child still needs both of their parents.

Every child has the right to parents who respect the child's relationship with the other parent.
Your children should not be forced to listen to your complaints and criticisms of your ex. Don't say anything in front of your child that you wouldn't want repeated to your ex, or presented in a contempt hearing.In most divorce settlement agreements there is language to effect that you won't disparage your ex in front of the children. This is for the child's protection, not your ex's, so take that provision seriously.

Every child has the right to continuing care and guidance from both parents.
Your child can benefit from the love, advice, and expertise of both you and your ex, and will be a stronger person if they can get they best from both of you. Allow your ex to be involved with school and extracurriculars, are create an environment where your child is not afraid you will get angry if she wants to talk something over with your ex instead of you.

Every child has the right to parents who treat one another with integrity and respect.
Treat your ex with respect and dignity, at least in front of the child. If absolutely necessary find means of communications and exchange that don't involve face to face interaction.

Every child has the right to freely communicate with both parents in privacy.
Don't obstruct your child's access to the phone, withhold messages, or snoop through your child's email or cellphone for communications with your ex. This kind of activity can cause distrust and hurt the child's relationship with both parents.

Every child has the right to be free their parents' hostilities and conflicts.
Do not bring your child into the middle of your disputes. Parents often find it tempting to bring a child into a dispute if they feel like they can gain some kind of upper hand. Your child should never feel like they have to chose sides. Disparaging your spouse put your child in an impossible position where they may not feel safe to either agree or disagree with either you or your ex.

Every child has the right to freedom from guilt or blame.
Children often need to hear that your divorce is not their fault. It is up to you to make sure you have communicated with your child about how they feel about your divorce and that you explain to them that your divorce has nothing to do with their behavior and is in now way their fault.

Every child has the right to parents who cooperate with one another when it comes to the children.
Co-parenting is a difficult but essential skill for divorced parents. Some amount of common courtesy and understanding is necessary. Remember that you will probably need an accommodation or understanding at some point as well. If you are unable to cooperate, find new methods with which you can both work.

Every child has the right to be heard.
Listen to your children and what they have to say about the parenting situation. Be honest, address their concerns, and answer their questions.

Every child has the right to live the life of a child throughout minority.
Your child should be treated like a child. When you get divorced your child does not become a best friend, travel buddy, shoulder to cry on, or man of the house. You need to continue to be a parent, and allow your child to continue being a child.

Every child has a right to a safe and secure environment in their parents' custody.
This goes without saying. Whether you have your child 100% of the time or one weekend a month, you need to avoid the same dangers and take the same steps to protect your child as you would if you were still married.

Every child has the right to financial support from both parents.
The child support guidelines provided by the legislature determine the amount of child support, not your ex. The current guidelines provide a more standardized and rationale basis for determining child support than methods in the past. Remember that though you pay child support to your spouse, the money is for the support of your child and you have a duty to provide what you can for the child.

Source: M. Debra Gold, Bill of Rights for Children of Divorce.

SOURCE FOR POST: William P. Millisor, P.C.

October 08, 2008

Enforceability of prenuptial agreements

The following article, written by Michigan divorce and family law attorney, Jeanne Hannah, appeared in a Michigan newspaper recently. I have removed the references to Michigan law for this post:

People ask: “Would we ever have to go to court to enforce a prenuptial agreement?”

There are times that one party challenges the validity of a prenup. If that occurs at the time of a separation or divorce (or sometimes after death), there may be a trial. The judge will weigh the evidence and the credibility of the witnesses before deciding whether to enforce the agreement. These cases are fact-dependent. The judge will decide if the agreement is enforceable only after resolving any disputed facts.

Will state courts uphold prenuptial agreements?

Yes. The right of competent adults to enter into a contract will be respected by a court. Times have changed since the days of Ozzie and Harriet, and prenups are no longer against public policy. Because important rights are being disposed of in a prenup, a party asked to sign one should ask a lawyer to explain exactly what the impact of the agreement is. What property rights or what rights to support would the person have under state law if there were no prenuptial agreement?

A well-drafted prenup will contain a provision that each party has read the agreement and understands the terms of it. It will likely also say that each party was represented by counsel or had the right to be represented, but waived that right. Those “boilerplate” terms will make it difficult or impossible to set aside an agreement once it’s executed. Therefore, it’s very important for each party to know exactly what rights he or she is giving up.

Are all prenuptial agreements enforceable?

No. The facts and circumstances surrounding the execution of a prenup might cause a trial court to invalidate it later. The law of each state will govern whether or not a prenup is valid and enforceable. Some states will enforce a prenup in the same way it enforces any contract; if the terms of the agreement are clear and unambiguous, then a court will enforce it as written, even if it isn’t fair and equitable. In other states, the court may find the agreement clear and unambiguous, but invalidate it because it’s “unfair” or “unconscionable.”

When will a court generally enforce a prenuptial agreement?

Enforceability and validity will vary from state to state. The following guidelines should be followed to ensure enforceability of a prenuptial agreement:

• The Agreement should be written in clear and unambiguous language, and should fairly and accurately describe what rights and obligations each of the parties has in any of the property owned by either party (or both).
• The Agreement should be specific about determining the rights and obligations with respect to property (and debt) owned prior to the marriage or property (and debt) acquired during the marriage, or both.
• The Agreement should be in writing and signed by both parties prior to the marriage.
• A prenup should not be executed on the day of marriage or even a week before the marriage. It’s important to establish that both parties have had ample time to review the agreement with a lawyer prior to the marriage.
• Both parties to the prenuptial agreement should have separate legal counsel.
• The prenuptial agreement should be entered into voluntarily; it should not be unconscionable. In other words, it should not be so one-sided and oppressive that no person in his or her right mind would sign it without duress, coercion, or fraud.
• Each party should provide a specific disclosure of his or her financial information. Some courts will enforce a prenuptial agreement if the parties have waived that disclosure. The disclosure should be in writing, attached to the agreement, and incorporated by reference within the agreement.
• Enforceability is more certain when the prenuptial agreement does not harshly and unfairly eliminate a party’s rights to property acquired during the marriage.

How long does it take to draft and sign a prenuptial agreement?

The amount of time that it takes to draft and sign a prenuptial agreement depends upon several things, mainly how complex the parties’ estates are and whether they have children from a former marriage. It can be time-consuming if substantial negotiation is required.

Is it a good idea to buy a pre-printed generic prenuptial agreement from a website and fill in the blanks? Will this protect us?

No. Active involvement of an attorney or attorneys to represent each party is important. Finding a lawyer whose practice is focused on family law will ensure that the lawyers drafting the agreement are familiar with how the laws of the state will look at enforceability of the agreement to uphold the parties’ intent. A specialist in family law will be intimately familiar with current law in the state where you live. Moreover, there are numerous complexities that should not be attempted to be resolved with a “one-size-fits-all” generic agreement. Additionally, when choosing a specialist in family law, you’ll benefit by knowing the personal reputation of the lawyer you choose. You’d have no way of knowing the identity, the experience, the educational background, the level of expertise, or the reputation of the person who prepared a generic prenuptial agreement. You’ll have no way of knowing whether the generic agreement has taken into consideration the current state of the law in your locale.

Is it a good idea to address the issue of “commingling” of separate property in a prenup?

Yes. In most marriages commingling of assets occurs. Sometimes people have a prenup and they simply fail to understand that the prenup will not protect them as was intended if it doesn’t carefully address the issue of commingling. For example, if one of the parties uses his or her separate assets to pay marital bills, the laws of most states will consider that they have intended to gift the other spouse by those expenditures and there will be no reimbursement if the marriage ends by death, separation, or divorce.

If separate monies are used for a down payment on a house or other property that is titled jointly, laws in some states will allow traceable assets to be considered as separate property. But in other states, the law will consider those separate monies to be “commingled” with marital assets, and will consider that the monies are “transmuted” or changed into joint marital property or community property. If the parties intend that they may use some separate property to acquire other different property that they will title jointly and that in doing so they will not lose their right to claim that the monies invested in this different property are still their separate property, then they should make that clear in a prenup.
Failure to have the prenup specifically address these issues may lead to prolongation of litigation at the time or separation or divorce and may cause serious problems if one party predeceases the other, and each party intends for his or her estate to benefit surviving children from a former marriage, the jointly titled property will pass as a matter of law to the surviving spouse. Unless each party’s interests have been clearly defined, assets intended to remain separate can end up, ultimately, in the hands of the non-owner spouse’s children. For this reason, it’s important to set forth the intent of the parties clearly in the prenuptial agreement.

What is meant by “separate” assets vs. “marital” assets?

Separate property is what each spouse owned at the time of the marriage, and should include liabilities at that time as well. Generally speaking, marital property is everything that is accumulated during the marriage from the joint efforts of each party, each acting in his or her respective roles.

When a couple divorces in some states, each party keeps his or her separate property owned prior to the marriage so long as it was maintained in the property owner’s sole name during the marriage and not commingled with marital assets. Some states will allow some commingling and still protect separate assets if they can be “traced” or specifically identified as, for example, “the down payment for the house.” for example.

It’s becoming more common in these days of upscale living that both parties work, bringing in two incomes to support the family’s lifestyle. However, it remains true today, as it did 20 or 30 years ago, that if a wife (or husband as the case may be) is a stay-at-home parent who cares for the parties’ children and home, and who facilitates the other spouse in his or her career endeavors by making it possible for the working spouse to be free to do what it takes to build a business or advance a career, that a court will consider that the “non-working spouse” is contributing in his or her respective role to the accumulation of marital assets. Therefore, the term “joint effort of the parties” doesn’t necessarily mean that one spouse is contributing money to the family coffers. That spouse will generally be awarded half of whatever is earned and accumulated between the date of the marriage and the date of separation or divorce.

If the parties have not reached an agreement when divorcing, the court divides the marital property in the proportion that it deems “just” after considering all relevant factors. If you entered the marriage with a house or investment portfolio or an inheritance, and kept title to those assets separate during the marriage, these assets will be considered your separate assets and not subject to division. There are two exceptions to this rule, however.

The increase in value in separate assets during the marriage may be considered joint if your spouse contributed to its appreciation. Usually the court considers passive appreciation separate property, but active appreciation is subject to division. Sometimes assets purchased with income from your original assets, will be considered marital property and subject to division upon divorce.

If my intended asks me to consider a prenuptial agreement, what should I be concerned about?

Keep in mind as well, that income contributed during the marriage to a retirement plan (such as a 401(k) would be considered marital property. Consequently, upon divorce, the court could grant your spouse certain rights to your retirement plan account accumulated during the marriage. The parties should address some element of fairness in the prenup. It wouldn’t be fair, for example, if one party were permitted by the agreement to protect income earned during the marriage by building up equity in a separately titled property while, under the agreement, the other party’s income is allocated for paying general family expenses. If this were the case, then if the parties separate or divorce, the first party would end up with substantial equity while the other’s wealth would have been poured down a rat hole.

A prenuptial agreement allows the engaged couple to alter the definitions of separate and marital assets in order to protect their assets and control distribution of assets upon death or divorce. It’s important that both parties exercise tact and are fair with each other. Don’t sign a prenup that seems unfair. Let your lawyer negotiate an agreement that levels the playing field and protects your interests.

Does my prenup need to address liability for debts incurred in connection with the ownership of separate property before or after the marriage?

It can and it should.

Does a prenuptial agreement mean the parties don’t trust each other?

Maybe, but a prenuptial agreement usually is grounded in realism rather than a lack of trust. For older couples who are marrying a second time, the parties simply want to protect their children. Younger couples may simply feel that a prenuptial will save expense later if the marriage does not work out.
It is important to approach marriage as a partnership and to approach a prenup with a sense of fairness. It’s not uncommon for one spouse to be the wage-earner, while the other is a stay-at-home parent and/or the cheerleader for the spouse who is building a career or a business. While the marriage may seem like a partnership, things can and do get ugly in a divorce. On the one hand, the worker bee may feel that it’s unfair that he or she (usually he) has to split his hard-earned pension or the value of a business built during a marriage. On the other hand, if the stay-at-home spouse hadn’t been there building and caring for the nest, freeing up the worker bee for career-promoting travel and development, then the business prospects might not have panned out so well.

Retirement accounts are really only deferred income — income that would be marital if it had otherwise come into the marriage as savings or had been used to purchase a jointly titled asset. It’s not fair to penalize the stay-at-home spouse by allowing one spouse to leave the marriage with assets that are truly marital in character, if not title.

Thus, it is important when discussing the terms of a prenup that parties have reasonable and fair expectations. Think of marriage as a partnership and build incentive for both partners to contribute to the well-being of the partnership. For sure, it will be easier to be fair at the beginning of a marriage than after the relationship has turned sour. This is why both parties should have separate legal representations to protect their interests.

SOURCE: Traverse City Record-Eagle in an article written by Jeanne Hannah

October 07, 2008

10 Tips if Divorce is Imminent

1.    Consult an Attorney

Make sure you know what your rights and obligations are.  Be aware of how your behavior could affect the outcome of any potential divorce proceedings, i.e., should you move out of the marital home?

2.    Copy Documents

Make copies of everything you can find: tax returns, bank statements, check registers, investment statements, retirement account statements, employee benefits handbooks, life insurance policies, medical/dental insurance policies, mortgage documents, applications for credit, deeds and titles to property, financial statements, credit card statements, wills, social security statements, automobile titles, any prenuptial or postnuptial agreements between the parties, documentation of any child support either spouse already pays, etc.  Remember to check the home computer for additional documentation.  Florida requires certain documents be disclosed in all divorce proceedings.  Find that list here.  It is easier to obtain these documents before you separate than after.

3.    Inventory Household and Family Possessions

List the major items: furniture, artwork, jewelry, appliances, automobiles, etc.  Did you forget about anything in storage or that someone else is holding for you or borrowed from you?

4.    Know the Household Budget and Expenses

Examine and record where every penny goes.  This is important to determine if there are temporary needs while the divorce is pending and to determine the amounts owed between parties when negotiating a settlement or final judgment.

5.    Determine How to Manage Family Debt

Try to pay down any debt you may have if you can before divorce.  Division of debt is often a sticking point in divorce proceedings.  Cancel credit accounts if one spouse is too willing to whip out the credit card for unnecessary items.

6.    Find Out Exactly What Your Spouse Earns

Gain this information through paystubs, other documents, or casual conversation with your spouse’s business partner.

7.    Make a Realistic Appraisal of Your Earning Potential

What is a realistic view of your earning potential before and after the divorce?  Will some changes need to be made here?  If you have been a homemaker for a lengthy period of time, will education help you become self-sufficient?  Will your work schedule or location be effected by your divorce and your ability to care for your children?  What child care needs should be considered?

8.    Examine Your Own Credit History

Either establish or reestablish credit in your own, individual name.

9.    Build a Net Egg of Your Own

Try to have access to your own money in case your spouse stops paying the household expenses or bills during the divorce proceedings.  You may also need additional money for an attorney’s retainer, security deposit on a new residence, deposits on utilities, costs of moving, etc.

10.  Put Your Kids at the Top of Your Agenda

Divorce is not about you or your spouse when children are involved.  Children generally have no choice in the matter and their needs and wellbeing should always be your first concern.  Keep their routines as normal as possible, don’t argue in front of the children, don’t bad-mouth the other party to the children, stay involved with your children and their activities as much as possible, and don’t use your children as your sounding board, psychologist, attorney, or counselor! 

SOURCE: Nassau Florida Family Law & Divorce... - http://jmmflaw.wordpress.com

Why Sign a premarital agreement?

Nobody wants to think at the beginning of a marriage that it will ever end in divorce. However the statistics on divorce in the United States cannot be ignored. Here are some examples:

o In 2003 2.3 millions couples married and 1.3 million couples divorced.

o In 2003 the Bureau of the Census projected that 4 of 10 first marriages will end in divorce.

o People between the ages of 25 to 39 make up 60% of all divorces.

o Over one million children are affected by divorce each year.

o Approximately 1/3 of divorced parents remain bitter and hostile several years after the divorce.

o 75% of women and 80% of men remarry within 5 years after divorce.

o Second marriages are at greater risk of ending in divorce that first marriages.

o More people are part of second marriages today than first marriages.

The sad fact is that, in more than half of the cases, marriages have a beginning, a middle, and an end. And anyone who has been through a divorce will tell you that, without a prenuptial agreement, the end of a marriage can be a litigation nightmare for the parties, for their children, and for other family members.

A properly drawn and executed premarital agreement provides the parties with a measure of certainty as to how property and debts will be divided at the end of an unsuccessful marriage and may greatly reduce or even eliminate the issues which must be expensively litigated. The trouble and expense of drafting and executing a prenuptial agreement generally does not begin to compare with the trouble and expense of the legal battle resulting from the absence of a prenuptial agreement.

SOURCE: FamilyLawPages.com

October 01, 2008

More Moms Paying Child Support, Say Top Divorce Attorneys

More women are paying child support these days, according to the latest survey of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML). In all, 55% of the respondents have cited an increase in the number of mothers who have been assigned to make child support payments over the past five years. Additionally, 42% of the divorce attorneys have seen the size of overall payment amounts rise during the same period of time.

"The changes in our society are almost always reflected in divorce courts and the legal system. The issues involved with child custody payments are certainly not an exception," says James Hennenhoefer, president of the AAML. "If one spouse is better suited to provide financial care, it is in the best interests of the court and all parties involved to put the needs of the child first.

Interestingly enough, results from the survey revealed that only 1% of AAML members have seen an increase in fathers making child support payments during the past five years. There was a response total of 44% who noticed no difference.

In addition to the question regarding which party is now making child support payments, the divorce lawyers have also cited changes in the size of those payments. Overall, 42% of the respondents said that the amount a spouse must pay has actually increased over the last five years. Only 14% said the payments have gotten smaller, while 44% have cited no change in payment totals during the five year time frame.

SOURCE: Market-Watch

September 24, 2008

Georgia judge orders rapper T.I. to pay more child support

Ti_rapper A judge on Tuesday [September 23, 2008] ordered rapper T.I. to pay more child support to the mother of two of his children after she claimed he wasn't providing enough money.

Superior Court Judge Bensonetta Tipton Lane told the two-time Grammy winner, whose real name is Clifford Harris, to pay just over $3,000 a month to LaShon Dixon. He had been paying about $2,000 per month.

The judge also said the 27-year-old performer must continue to pay for the boys to attend private school, uninsured medical bills and expenses related to the children's extracurricular activities.

Tipton Lane also awarded the couple on Tuesday joint custody of the boys, ages seven and eight. Dixon, 28, was granted primary physical custody. The children previously spent about 40 per cent of their time with the rapper.

Dixon's lawyer, Randy Kessler, said his client is still unsatisfied with the amount the judge ordered T.I. to pay but is happy to receive more child support.

"Every little bit helps," Kessler said. "She was just getting by with the children, while they lived a different life with their father. It can't be complete opposites on the other side."

An email to one of T.I.'s lawyers was not immediately returned Tuesday.

He also has two sons with his fiancee, Tameka (Tiny) Cottle, of the defunct R&B group Xscape.

SOURCE: Canadian Press

PHOTO SOURCE: Once Upon a Man

UPDATE: Lawyer says T.I. is happy with Ga. judge's order

A lawyer for T.I. said the rapper is happy with a judge's decision in a child support case brought by the mother of two of his children.

Superior Court Judge Bensonetta Tipton Lane on Tuesday ordered the two-time Grammy winner, whose real name is Clifford Harris, to pay more than $3,000 a month to LaShon Dixon. He had been paying about $2,000 per month.

The judge also said the 27-year-old performer must continue to pay for the boys to attend private school, uninsured medical bills and expenses related to the children's extracurricular activities.

"The court denied Ms. Dixon's request for an upward deviation in child support," said John Mayoue, T.I.'s lawyer. "The court further ordered him to continue doing what he had already offered to do and what he has been doing since the children were born. He's very pleased with the order."

Tipton Lane also on Tuesday awarded the couple joint custody of the boys, ages 7 and 8. Dixon, 28, was granted primary physical custody. The children previously spent about 40 percent of their time with the rapper.

Dixon's attorney, Randy Kessler, previously said his client is still unsatisfied with the amount the judge ordered T.I. to pay but is happy to receive more child support.

T.I. also has two sons with his fiancee, Tameka "Tiny" Cottle, of the defunct R&B group Xscape.

SOURCE FOR UPDATE: Fulton County Daily Report

September 18, 2008

50 Divorce Blogs to Find Advice and Comfort in Hard Times

The following list appeared on the blog Soul Mating and is written by Laura Milligan

Whether you’ve recently separated from your spouse or you’re a single parent ready to move on to another relationship, you can find a lot of free legal advice, therapy and dating tips online. This list of 50 divorce blogs are published with the intention of helping out other separated and divorced individuals as they try to make sense of child custody issues, international divorces, dealing with grief and moving on, and more. Take advantage of these bloggers’ experience and the advice they offer to take back control over your life.

For Women

Women will find these divorce blogs helpful as they read about dating tips, domestic violence and more.

  1. Divorce Diva: The Divorce Diva aims to make "divorce a manageable tragedy" for her readers by sharing news stories, book reviews, jokes and great tips for dealing with a divorce.
  2. The Emergency Divorce Blog for Women: This blog posts articles about domestic violence "related to divorce" and children.
  3. Women’s Divorce Blog: Learn about your legal options and get tips on managing your emotional state after a divorce on this blog.
  4. What’s Love Got to Do With It?: This blog explores "why modern women don’t find their Mr. Right" and can serve as a thought-provoking, challenging guide during or after a divorce.
  5. Solo Mother: Newly single moms can get tips on coping and managing their hectic lives here.
  6. Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce: What Every Woman Needs to Know: Women will find "divorce survival skills" on this blog.

For Men

These blogs are written by and for men who are experiencing divorce.

  1. Successful Divorce Planning for Men: Scroll through the archives on this blog to learn about child custody laws and more.
  2. Divorce and Evolution: Read the story of this man’s divorce process from his wife of eight years.
  3. Divorced Dads Matter: Find support and links to divorce and custody resources here.

Legal Advice

Find free legal advice from these blogs.

  1. Lawlady’s Divorce Blog: Get tips on "collaborative divorce" and more from this Seattle holistic divorce attorney.
  2. New York Family Law and Divorce: New Yorkers going through a divorce will gain insight into their personal case by reading this blog, which covers news stories and more.
  3. The International Family Law Office: Couples with international ties have an even more complicated struggle when trying to figure out a divorce. Turn to this blog for help.
  4. NRI Divorce: South Asians and Non-resident Indian couples can use this site as a resource for figuring out relationships, divorce, custody and more.
  5. Divorce Lawyers Blog: Get tips on finding a lawyer and navigating the legal process of divorce here.
  6. Illinois Divorce Law Blog: Get news stories and advice that are both unique to Illinois cases and relevant to general cases.
  7. Divorce Law Journal: This Kentucky divorce law blog also covers news and issues that divorcing couples around the country face.

Dealing with Divorce

From explaining divorce to your children to separating health insurance and other accounts, these blogs have all kinds of tips to help you deal with the different aspects of divorce.

  1. Darn Divorce: Here you’ll find "random thoughts and news on the dreaded D-word."
  2. The Evolution of Marriage: This blog can be a helpful resource for those thinking about divorce and those who are already divorced. Read about the natural ups and downs of marriage, as well as the freedom of living on your own.
  3. Etiquette for Exes: If you’re having trouble being civil with your ex, turn to this blog for tips on how to stop fighting, especially if you want to make it easier on your kids.
  4. Children and Divorce: Learn about children’s rights and how children deal with divorce here.
  5. SurviveDivorce.biz: Learn how to manage practical problems, like health insurance and name changes, as well as emotional support on this blog.
  6. Children of Divorce Blog: Children of Divorce Blog is another resource for parents concerned with the emotional well-being of their children during a divorce.
  7. Divorce Hotline: Read all about divorce issues here, from preparing yourself for legal fights to moving on.

Moving On

How do you know when you’re ready to move on? These blogs provide support and ideas for transitioning to another phase of your life.

  1. Thrive After Divorce: The blog for this ezine shares easy-to-remember mantras and gives tips to help divorced men and women move on.
  2. Fresh Start After Divorce: Join this community to read articles, connect with others going through a divorce and more.
  3. Collaborative Divorce Newsblog: Through regular posts and news stories, this blog aims to help "people make respectful, civilized, values-based transitions from couple to single."
  4. Step by Step: This blog is run by a group of moms who are trying to manage life in a blended family.
  5. Unfettered Cravings: Read about this newly divorced man’s X-rated adventures — and fantasies — as he gets back into the dating game.
  6. Sexy Ex: Women who have recently suffered through a breakup get tips on how to rejuvenate their sex life here.
  7. Prill Boyle’s Defying Gravity: This blog helps those experiencing a major life transition achieve what they want.
  8. Life After Divorce: New Horizons: Get tips on recovering from divorce, no matter how old you are.
  9. Maine Divorce Law Blog: In addition to covering issues about the legal side of divorce, this blog features stories about divorce culture, American divorce trends and more.
  10. Dad’s House: This single dad writes about dating and parenting issues.

General Advice

In this list you can find general tips and advice about managing your divorce case, exploring child custody options and more.

  1. Judith’s Divorce Blog: Lawyer Judith Middleton shares her reflections and advice on revenge, compromise and communication.
  2. California Divorce Blawg: This blog from California lawyer John E. Harding posts about divorce legal news but also includes other divorce-related news stories, statistics, celebrity divorce news and more.
  3. Chicago Divorce Lawyer: While this blog focuses on divorce news and legal information for those in the Chicago area, it also offers up divorce book reviews, articles on choosing a divorce lawyer and divorce etiquette.
  4. Florida Divorce: Read up on child custody cases and divorce-related news to learn about settling finances and more.
  5. Divorce Blog: Read news stories and other articles relating to divorce and legal issues here.
  6. The Divorce Blog: Recent posts on this blog address news stories, politics and divorce, and remarriage.
  7. Generation Ex Files: This blogger addresses divorce issues relating to children, surviving the holidays, working out family problems and more.
  8. Divorce Information: Recent posts on this blog include "Should You Stay or Should You Go?" and "I’m Movin’ On."
  9. Lifestyle of a Divorced Single Mom: This single mom writes about life lessons, relationship issues, managing work, and more.

Go-To Resources

These go-to resources include a directory to help you find a lawyer, news stories about family law, and personal blogs about getting through a divorce.

  1. Total Divorce Blog: Recent posts on this blog include "Making Patchwork Families Work" and "Divorce Lawyers See More Digital Evidence," reporting legal news and giving tips on divorced families.
  2. Divorce Find: This bare bones blog posts the 10 most recent articles on its site plus other divorce resources for finding lawyers.
  3. Divorced at 50: This blogger got divorced after a 32-year relationship and now writes articles and posts information for those needing legal, emotional and financial advice.
  4. Your Child - Your Divorce: If you’re going through a divorce and want advice on how to explain it to your children, turn here.
  5. Daily Stories on Divorce and Family Law: Here you’ll find stories from different news services covering divorce, child custody and more.
  6. Divorce Blog: This UK-based site has articles about about children and divorce, divorce law, moving on and more.
  7. First Wives World: This networking community also features blog posts that offer support and practical advice for divorced women.
  8. Divorce@Suite101: This resource features articles and more for those experiencing divorce and for divorced singles.

September 15, 2008

Georgia tops at seizing economic stimulus checks

Almost 30,000 lose rebate because they owe back taxes

Nationally, by the time most of the checks had been mailed out in early August, about 223,000 payments had been diverted to states because the recipients owed back state income taxes. States have collected $85.7 million in stimulus checks for back taxes.

New York and Maryland ranked second and third, with just over 20,000 payments intercepted.

A National Conference of State Legislatures report in late July said states across the country were facing a cumulative shortfall of more than $40 billion this fiscal year. So the $85.7 million they have received so far from the stimulus checks won’t solve their fiscal problems.

Georgia isn’t necessarily number one because it has more people owing back taxes. Georgia Revenue Commissioner Bart Graham said the state may be tops simply because it is more aggressive in going after people who owe back taxes. Some states with much larger populations, such as California, have had far fewer stimulus checks intercepted for back taxes, according to federal figures.

Georgia joined a federal “offset” system about five years ago. That allows it to get all or part of federal tax refunds due to Georgians who owe back state income taxes. Using that program, Graham said the state has collected $136.6 million for back taxes through August 2008.

In all, the Department of Revenue has collected more than $400 million over the past few years from special programs aimed at getting delinquent taxpayers to pay up.

That money has come in handy at a time when the sluggish economy has brought a downturn in income and sales tax collections.

“If you look at where we would be without that ($400 million), we would be in a much more dire situation,” Gov. Sonny Perdue’s spokesman, Bert Brantley said.

Graham said 52,000 people in Georgia have liens against them because they owe back state income taxes.

Stimulus checks are not just being seized by state governments for back taxes. The Associated Press recently reported that more than 1.4 million checks have been seized by child support collection agencies.

As a result, the federal program meant to stimulate the economy has provided Georgia’s struggling state government with an $8.3 million shot in the arm. And it’s left at least 28,305 Georgians who owed back state income taxes with either no stimulus check or a partial one.

SOURCE: Atlanta Journal-Constitution (AJC.com) in an article written by JAMES SALZER

September 12, 2008

Estate Planning after a Second Marriage

Will_2 It may be time to review your Will

Chances are that you have a Will somewhere that you had drawn up when your children were born. Depending on how long ago that was, you should probably dig it out, review it and then talk to an attorney about updating your estate plan to account for your current family situation.

It may be that nothing much has changed. Or you may have gotten a divorce several years back, even gotten remarried but never changed your estate planning documents to reflect these major life changes.

If you have remarried following a divorce or death of a spouse and you have children from the first marriage, you will want to pay close attention to how your estate plan addresses that situation. The best way to handle it is probably the creation of a Trust.

For the couple who marries later in life and has no children together, you can use the Trust to provide a place to live and income for the surviving spouse during his or her lifetime. Upon the death of the surviving spouse though, the estate would pass to the children of the first marriage, as opposed to any children the surviving spouse may have from a previous relationship. In Georgia, if no Will or Trust addresses the situation, the child from a first marriage will share their deceased parent’s estate with the surviving spouse (step-parent) in equal shares—the surviving spouse receives what is termed a child’s share.

For the couple who have children from previous relationships as well as together, a new Will and Trust can clarify how you wish your assets to be distributed amongst your spouse and all children, making sure that children from your first marriage are cared for. A trust can even ensure that your children’s potential ex-spouses do not have any claim to the assets of your estate upon your passing.

To spare your family from litigation related to your estate, you should create or revise your estate plan upon any divorce or remarriage. For that matter, you should have an attorney review your estate plan at least every two to three years (and more frequently is better) to determine if changes in your status or changes in the law require changes to your estate plan. At GeorgiaFamilyLaw.com | Mullin & Worrall LLC, we review estate plans to ensure our client’s wishes will be fulfilled. As a Personal Family Lawyer law firm, we strive to form lifelong relationships with our clients so that we can be there as a trusted advisor throughout their life and to be there for their loved ones at the time when they need us the most. Please see our Georgia Wills, Trusts and Estate Planning Blog for more information.

SOURCE FOR POST: Mississippi Family Law Blog

SOURCE: Georgia Wills, Trusts and Estate Planning Blog

September 08, 2008

The Collaborative Divorce Process

The Collaborative Divorce model was developed by a group of attorneys, mental health professionals and financial planning experts whose experience with traditional divorce led them to the conclusion that litigation is injurious to families and especially to children. They were certain they could develop a healthier way to help families through divorce. The Collaborative Divorce model has grown rapidly with practitioners throughout the United States and Canada.

In Collaborative Divorce, couples who have decided to end their marriage work with a team of professionals to avoid the arbitrary and uncertain outcomes of court and to achieve a divorce settlement that best meets the specific needs of both parties and their children. Collaborative Divorce focuses on settlement, and addresses communication dynamics. It offers a more healthy and effective forum for the resolution of the couple's divorce issues. The goal of Collaborative Divorce is to help the couple define and implement the settlement that best meets the needs of their family, and learn new skills for more effective communication, conflict resolution and post-divorce co-parenting. In order to accomplish these goals, three independent professional disciplines work together as a team to integrate the legal, emotional, and financial aspects of divorce.

The Collaborative Team helps the parties achieve a divorce that minimizes the negative economic, social, and emotional consequences that undermine families in the traditional adversarial divorce process. By maintaining a primary focus on the needs of children and the welfare of the family overall, the Collaborative approach helps parents provide their children with the emotional support, and healthy co-parenting they need.

The specific roles of the professionals on the Collaborative Divorce team are as follows:

The Role of The Collaborative Family Law Attorney

Each party has a Collaborative Family Law attorney. In individual meetings with the client, and in joint meetings with the other attorney and the other party, each attorney will:

1. Represent the best interests of his/her respective client while maintaining the overall goals of the Collaborative Process.
2. Work with the other attorney and the Collaborative Team to help the parties design the settlement agreement that is most appropriate for their family.
3. Facilitate the settlement discussion and incorporate client agreements into the final settlement documents.
4. Prepare all the documents that need to be filed with the Court.

The Role of the Collaborative Divorce Coach

Each party has a Collaborative Divorce Coach. Divorce Coaches are licensed mental health professionals. In individual and joint meetings the coaches work with the couple to:

1. Identify and prioritize the concerns of each person.
2. Make effective use of conflict resolution and communication skills.
3. Develop effective co-parenting skills.
4. Work collaboratively with the couple, their attorneys and the other involved professionals to improve communication, reduce misunderstandings and solve problems as they come up.

The Collaborative Divorce process has demonstrated that the family can get through divorce in a more emotionally healthy way when the couple is able to learn to interact and communicate with each other in a more respectful, honest and open manner. Communication and self-management skills are taught to parents by their coaches. The couple uses these new skills in their settlement discussions, and in their post divorce co-parenting.

The Role of the Child Specialist

The Collaborative Team Child Specialist will work with the children and the parents to:

1. Provide each child with an opportunity to voice his/her concerns regarding the divorce.
2. Provide the parents with information and guidance to help their children through this process.
3. Give information to the parties and the Collaborative team that will help the parties in developing an effective co-parenting plan for their children.

The Role of the financial specialist

The Collaborative Team financial specialist works with the couple to:

1. Provide on-going, practical financial guidance, planning, support, and budgeting guidance throughout the divorce process.
2. Assist with the discovery process by gathering and organizing documentation and information relating to the parties' incomes, expenses, assets, and debts.
3. Make sure that both parties have a thorough understanding of their current financial situation.
4. Educate the clients regarding the short and long-term economic consequences of settlement plans being considered so as to enable them to make fully informed decisions and choose what is most appropriate for their situation.

The Collaborative Divorce process is controlled by the parties. It keeps the decision-making power where it belongs, with the people affected by the outcome. This is very different from a court process where ultimately the court and state formulas decide what the divorce settlement and co-parenting arrangement will be. In the Collaborative Divorce model the couple sets the agenda for their divorce, and they determine the settlement that is best for their family. The parties retain full decision making authority and control.

There are requirements for what constitutes a Collaborative Divorce. Both parties must dedicate themselves to honesty, openness and a willingness to place the welfare of the entire family first. The desire to change ineffective communication patterns and the commitment to work at change are vital to a successful outcome. Communication training is as critical to the process as the legal and financial negotiations. If dysfunctional patterns are not changed, conflict persists. It is this focus on changing the couple's way of interacting with each other that makes the Collaborative Divorce process a better approach to both divorce, and post divorce co-parenting.

SOURCE: Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego

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    This blog is written and published by Stephen M. Worrall for educational purposes only, i.e. to give information and a general understanding of Georgia family law, not to provide specific legal advice. The information provided by this blog should not be used as a substitute for legal advice from a licensed attorney in your state. Steve Worrall is licensed to practice law in the state of Georgia only.

    Your use of this blog does not establish an attorney-client relationship between you and Stephen M. Worrall. Such an attorney-client relationship can only be established by execution of a contract for legal services between GeorgiaFamilyLaw.com, The Law Firm of Mullin & Worrall, LLC, and a prospective client.

    Some material contained in this blog is general in nature and may not reflect the current laws of the State of Georgia. The author of this blog does not necessarily support the views expressed in all articles contained herein and cannot guarantee their accuracy.

    The inclusion of material from identified sources is for educational purposes only and is not intended to infringe on the copyrights of the identified sources.

Georgia Cities and Counties in Which We Practice


  • We do take and have handled cases in counties throughout the State of Georgia, but these are the ones in which we handle the majority of our cases.
  • Bartow County, GA
    Includes the cities of Cartersville, Emerson, Euharlee, Kingston, and White
  • Cherokee County, GA
    Includes the cities of Ball Ground, Canton, Holly Springs, Waleska, and Woodstock
  • Clayton County
    Includes the cities of Forest Park, Jonesboro, Lake City, Lovejoy, Morrow and Riverdale.
  • Cobb County, GA
    Includes the cities of Acworth, Austell, Kennesaw, Marietta, Powder Springs and Smyrna and the communities of Mableton, Vinings, Fair Oaks, Cumberland, Town Center, East Cobb, West Cobb, North Cobb, and South Cobb
  • Coweta County
    Includes the cities of Grantville, Haralson, Moreland, Newnan, Senoia, Sharpsburg and Turin.
  • DeKalb County, GA
    Includes the cities of Avondale Estates, Chamblee, Clarkston, Decatur, Doraville, Lithonia, Pine Lake and Stone Mountain.
  • Douglas County, GA
    Includes the city of Douglasville and the community of Lithia Springs.
  • Fayette County
    Includes the cities of Brooks, Fayetteville, Peachtree City, Tyrone and Woolsey.
  • Forsyth County, GA
    Includes the city of Cumming.
  • Fulton County , GA
    Includes the cities of Alpharetta, Atlanta, College Park, East Point, Fairburn, Hapeville, Johns Creek, Milton, Mountain Park, Palmetto, Roswell and Union City.
  • Gwinnett County, GA
    Includes the cities of Berkeley Lake, Buford, Dacula, Duluth, Grayson, Lawrenceville, Lilburn, Loganville, Norcross, Snellville, Sugar Hill and Suwanee.
  • Henry County
    Includes the cities of Hampton, Locust Grove, McDonough and Stockbridge.
  • Paulding County, GA
    Includes the cities of Braswell, Dallas and Hiram.
  • Pickens County
    Includes the cities of Jasper, Nelson and Talking Rock.

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